


Greener Pastures

by KittieHill



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: AU - No Boosh Weirdness, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, But its fluffy too!, Cheating, Dark fic, First Oral, First Time, Frottage, Howard is a prostitute, Howards parents are bastards, Just about their relationship, Lots of Music, Lots of Self Harm, Love, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Nightmares, Prostitution, Rape Aftermath, Self Harm, Sexting, Suicide Attempt, Sweetness, Trauma, Triggers, True Love, Vince is a Saint, brief homophobic language, i promise it's also happy in places!, the zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 14:24:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3123428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittieHill/pseuds/KittieHill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okay so this one has been on my computer for a long, long time. Me and Catie originally planned it months ago and i wrote a lot but then didn't finish it due to some personal issues regarding some of the triggers in it. I'm feeling much better now and found that i could finish the story, May be a little sloppy in places but I'm quite happy with it. Please read the tags though, i've tried to include everything i can think of but if ive missed anything, let me know!</p><p>Set in the Zoo and Naboo's flat but that's really the only bit which is the same as the show. Naboo has his powers and Vince can talk to animals but that's the only 'supernatural' element to the story. </p><p>I'll include the music i used below so you can click on the link and listen when Howard is singing etc, The first song is by a local artist who is absolutely fantastic and you should check her out. </p><p>NOT BETA'D and not for profit. Cheers. Please leave comments!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Catie_Electro_x](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catie_Electro_x/gifts).



Vince walked cheerily through London, his flares whipped around his legs as the wind blew the fabric; he pulled his coat up around his chin and pressed his face further into the warmth, blowing hot air onto the material to warm his cheeks. He noticed the boy standing on the corner, his faded clothing in strange browns and beige’s that Vince had never seen before; Vince looked at the boy and noticed his eyes, the stranger had the saddest eyes Vince had ever seen,

‘Alright’ Vince smiled to the stranger causing the boy to look over in confusion ‘Hi’ he replied casually,

‘I’m Vince, what’s your name?’

‘Howard’ the stranger replied, looking left and right at passers-by who didn’t notice the two boys talking,

‘Alright Oward’ Vince smiled

‘Look… Vince, do you want anything? I don’t mean to be rude but I’m working’ Howard sighed, his eyes still seeking somebody,

‘Oh, sorry I didn’t know. I’ll go. See ya later yeh?’ Vince said before striding away from the boy, turning around a few paces ahead to turn back and wave at his new friend,

Howard watched the strange boy leave, before sighing and pulling out a cigarette. He lit it and took a long drag before noticing the car pulling up to the kerb; the man wound down the window and asked his price which Howard told him. The punter opened the door and Howard nipped off the lit end of his cigarette and climbed into the car, being driven away to an empty street before returning to his corner.

* * *

 

The next day Vince was returning from college when he noticed Howard standing in the same place, Vince smiled and walked over and saying hello. Howard greeted him kindly but warily, unsure of how to proceed with this unusual boy. Howard was cold, his fingers tingled in the icy wind and he stamped his feet to try to get feeling back, Vince said goodbye and walked away thinking more about the boy.

The next day Vince brought Howard a cup of steaming hot coffee bought fresh from a local café. He handed the hot cup to Howard who eyed it warily causing Vince to look confused and vulnerable; Howard could almost hear the cogs whirring in Vince’s childlike mind,

‘It’s not poisoned Oward. You look cold’ Vince suggested and nudged the boy into drinking. Howard did so and was rewarded with hot liquid rushing into his cold body; he thanked Vince and stood speaking to the boy for a while about various unimportant topics before Vince left to go home and Howard was picked up by a man in a car. Vince assumed it was his dad.

The next time Vince saw Howard his heart thudded at the view; Howard had a black eye and swollen lip, his hair hung loosely over his cheek as if to cover the worst bruises but Vince noticed. He walked over with another cup of coffee and asked Howard what happened; Howard insisted he had had an accident and he was ok which Vince didn’t believe… Vince began wondering about Howard’s life,

‘Wanna go sit down for something to eat? I’m starving’ Vince offered,

‘I – I haven’t got any money’ Howard admitted with a blush,

‘I have! Come on, it’ll be genius’ Vince said grabbing Howards hand and pulling him towards a local greasy spoon café.

The two men sat in a booth which was isolated from the other patrons. Vince nibbled his food whilst Howard scoffed his down immediately; Vince was sure that Howard would choke from eating too fast but Howard managed his full meal and most of Vince’s. Howard sat drinking coffee whilst Vince stirred his milkshake; unsure how to start the conversation,

‘Where are you from? You don’t come from London’ Vince began,

‘Leeds’ Howard replied ‘It’s in Yorkshire’

Vince nodded; ‘How old are you?’

Howard looked up at Vince then outside the window, watching the passers-by ‘I’m 17’

‘No way! Me too!’ Vince smiled causing Howard to return the smile, taking another deep sip

‘Do you live here with your parents?’ Vince asked

Howard shook his head, Vince continued ‘Alone then?’ Howard shook his head no again

‘I live with – _a friend’_ he said eventually

‘Is that who picked you up the other day in the car?’ Vince whispered

Howard frowned and looked over at Vince ‘No’

Vince worried his lip and looked away ‘do you like the Human League?’

* * *

 

Their meetings continued on a daily basis; sometimes Vince would take a cup of coffee to his friend whilst others he would treat the boy to something to eat in the café. They would talk and eat, feeling secure in one anothers friendship and happy in the others company but Howard would often look at his watch and sigh before telling Vince he had to get back and leaving the boy confused as to what was so important.

Vince decided to watch Howard; instead of going to college he hid away behind some buildings where Howard wouldn’t be able to see him and watched. Howard would light his cigarette and smoke until a car stopped then Howard would talk to the driver and climb inside. They would drive away and return soon after with Howard wincing as he exited the cab, his hands tightly in his pockets as he stood at his corner again. Vince noted that he had seen Howard get into 6 cars through the day and then walked around the block so Howard would see him approach from the usual pathway.

‘Alright?’ Vince smiled watching Howard smile and relax in Vince’s presence ‘want to go for food?’

The two boys sat chatting again; Vince asked why Howard didn’t go to school and Howard shrugged deeply. Howard asked Vince about his college course and listened to the young man talk, his mind quieting as Vince spoke.

‘Who are those people who pick you up?’ Vince asked bluntly

‘Punters’ Howard shrugged ‘Or clients, Johns, customers, patrons… whatever you want to call them’

‘Customers for what?’ Vince asked with a confused look on his face,

‘For me Vince. I’m a prostitute’ Howard said softly, his cheeks blushing crimson,

‘Oh’

* * *

 

Vince didn’t know much about prostitution; he had watched Pretty Woman with his mum once but that didn’t seem the same as what Howard did. He looked in books at college but it was mainly about women who stood in seedy areas, not boys who stood on corners near a college. Vince decided to speak to Howard about it.

He had his chance the next day. Howard was standing in his usual spot looking more dejected than usual; his head hung low and his lips sucking on the end of a cigarette as he looked out over the cars passing. Vince walked up and smiled, his cheery greeting snapping Howard from his trance.

Vince could tell something was wrong; very wrong. He looked at Howards face and wrapped an arm around the boy, ushering him away to their café. Once safe in the booth Vince began to carefully try to get Howard to talk; Howard stared unseeing out of the window, the smell of bacon and coffee lingering around them unable to tempt his hungry belly to eat,

‘Please Oward. I want to help’ Vince soothed

Howard scoffed and looked at Vince; ‘You can’t’

‘Tell me what happened’ Vince asked, his hand reaching for Howards, his thumb stroking the soft skin idly,

Howard looked up at Vince with tearful eyes; his lip shook as he simply said _‘they hurt me’_ and burst into tears.

Vince moved around the table to console his friend, his long arm wrapped around Howard’s shoulders as they shook with sobs and gasps. Vince noticed the dark bruises which covered Howard’s wrists; the finger shaped purple blotches marred the pale flesh.

‘Come stay with me’ Vince pleaded, tears shining in his blue eyes

‘I can’t. He’ll find me’ Howard whimpered,

‘He won’t hurt you, I’m a cockney bitch. I’m a ragamuffin from the streets. I’ll stab ‘em up’ Vince insisted, giving experimental stabs into thin air making Howard smile.

‘But I haven’t got money or clothes. I have nothing Vince’ Howard choked,

‘You’ve got a friend’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning; Self Harm*

Vince took his friend home that night; Vince’s parents were both professional documentary makers who took a liberal approach to childcare. They often left Vince home alone with a full fridge and a credit card to do with as he pleased; Vince invited Howard into the huge townhouse which was completely theirs for the next month until his parents returned. Vince gave Howard a tour and offered him the use of the spare room which was immediately next door to his own bedroom, he rifled through his dads clothes to find pyjamas and spare socks until they could shop for Howard’s own and gave him a large towel to use in the bathroom.

‘Take your time. There’s soap and shampoo in there. Should be a spare toothbrush too if you want it. Plenty of hot water so don’t worry about getting cold’ Vince smiled before leaving Howard to run his bath whilst he went down and prepared supper.

Howard lay back in the boiling hot bath thinking of his good fortune at meeting Vince. He had always been alone and isolated, vulnerable to predators who used him for their own needs but Vince was different. Howard could relax with the quirky boy. He bathed quickly, attempting to clean the grime from his body and hair before wrapping himself in the towel and dressing in the pyjamas and padding downstairs in bare feet.

‘I made tea… and there are some sandwiches and crisps if you want it’ Vince shouted from the living room,

Howard picked up his food and walked through to where Vince’s voice came from; Vince sat cross legged on a large sofa, the TV remote in his hand as he ate, flicking channels idly,

‘Anything you want to watch?’ He asked and watched Howard shake his head,

‘Oh Doctor Who! Brilliant’ Vince smiled, singing along with the theme tune,

The two men happily watched the TV in silence, their bellies full as they relaxed. Howard began to drift into sleep which Vince noticed; he grabbed the blanket from behind the sofa and laid it over the dozing boy as he sat watching the show, listening to the heavy and deep breaths of his friend.

* * *

 

Howard woke up with a sore neck and a sense of confusion; he sat up and turned his neck trying to sort the tight muscles into a semblance of order before remembering where he was and who he was with. He heard Vince banging around in the kitchen as he cooked breakfast which made Howards stomach rumble painfully; he stood and walked to the kitchen watching Vince dance around with his headphones on, his hips wiggling as he fried eggs,

‘Oh you plum!’ Vince shouted when he noticed Howard watching him ‘Scared the bloody hell out of me!’

Howard laughed and apologised, watching Vince cook ‘can I help?’

‘You could make toast if you like? Lots of butter yeh?’

Once the two men had finished cooking they sat at the kitchen table; the full English breakfast making Howard’s mouth water. He ate and chatted with Vince, watching the boy clean his plate with his fingers, pressing them into his mouth to clean. Howard grabbed the plates and moved to the sink, running the hot water and preparing to wash up,

‘What are you doing?’ Vince asked quizzically.

‘Cleaning up, It’s the least I can do’ Howard replied

Vince laughed and walked behind Howard taking him away from the sink ‘We’ve got a cleaner. Don’t worry’

‘Vince, I need to do something to pay you back’ Howard whispered before thinking the next logical step, he walked closer to the blonde boy and cupped his crotch tightly.

Vince jumped back as though he had been electrocuted; his eyes wide in panic as he moved from Howards grip ‘What are you doing?’

‘I-I was thanking you’

Vince shook his head sadly and looked at Howard ‘I don’t want you to have to do that anymore. You’re better than that’

Howard choked back a mortified sob; looking over at his friend sadly ‘I’m sorry’

Vince pulled the boy in for a hug ‘we need to get you some clothes’

* * *

 

The boys fell through the door after hours of intense shopping; both boys carried bags and placed them on the floor before collapsing on the sofa together,

‘You’re insane. I can’t believe you actually enjoy shopping’ Howard sighed, shaking his head,

‘You looked genius in those cords though! And that red shirt, brings out your eyes’ Vince chattered noisily as he rummaged through the bags ‘I can’t be bothered cooking, shall we get a takeaway?’

Howard shrugged and agreed with whatever Vince suggested. Overwhelmed by the boys generosity so far,

‘I might have another bath if that’s alright?’ Howard asked,

‘Sure. Is pizza alright?’ Vince asked, Howard agreed and walked upstairs,

Howard walked to the bathroom, running the water and stripping down looking at his reflection in the full length mirror. His stomach was flat and a line of dark hair trailed from his navel to the bush above his flaccid cock; the scar on his shoulder showed pink against the pale skin whilst the dark purple, black and green bruises mottled his flesh. Howard ran his fingers over the finger marks around his hip bones and winced at the ache; he stopped the bath and stepped into the water. Tears ran down his cheeks as he scratched at his skin in despair leaving thick cuts over his forearms, his sobbing increased as he grabbed his new razor and pulled out the blade, he pressed the blade across his upper legs, continuing the crisscross patterns of previous scars as he hissed through the badly needed pain. The pressure inside slowly dissolving as crimson ran into the water to turn the bath pink, Howard replaced the blades and washed himself quickly, wincing as he cleaned his still tender arse carefully before stepping out of the bath and wrapping himself in a towel and walking to the spare room where he had left his bags.

‘Oward! Pizza’s here’ Vince shouted from downstairs; Howard heard the boy chatting to the delivery driver before closing the door and taking the food into the living room,

Howard dressed quickly, he pulled his boxers up his legs and winced at the contact of fabric on his wounds but he continued. He brushed his hair back from his face and walked downstairs to meet Vince who was already sitting on the living room floor Indian style, the boxes of food open around him.

‘Didn’t know what you wanted. So I got a few’ Vince shrugged

The two men ate happily, their conversation flowing easily between bites. Vince had grabbed some lager from the fridge and the two boys drank until they began to feel dizzy and lightheaded. Vince was giggling at the TV when he looked over at Howard, his eyes narrowing as he looked at his friend,

His trousers were wet… not just wet but crimson stained. Vince’s stomach flipped as his brain tried to add up the circumstances. Howard noticed him looking and lowered his head embarrassed ‘Please don’t ask’,

Vince was feeling the effects of Lager on his childish body and mind; he squared his shoulders and spoke confidently ‘why?’

Howard thought for a moment, his ears burning red with mortified shame ‘because it’s the only thing which makes me feel’,

Vince’s breath caught in his chest as he looked at the sad boy holding back tears beside him,

‘How can I help you?’ Vince asked softly, his big blue eyes searching for answers in Howards dull own

‘V-Vince… don’t you know how much you have helped me already?’ Howard replied shocked ‘You’ve saved me. You don’t know what they made…me do’

‘I don’t want you to hurt yourself anymore. I want you to be happy and I want to help’

Howard collapsed in sobs, grabbing Vince tightly around the shoulders and pulling him in for a hard hug; the two boys sat close, smelling of lager and takeaway as they hugged and cried together,

Eventually the house grew dark around them and the boys began get sleepy, their swollen and red eyes raw from crying gradually closed until Vince suggested another early night. Howard bit his lip and nodded; he wanted to say something to Vince but his mouth and brain wouldn’t work together,

‘Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight? No funny business’ Vince asked with a smile, shocking Howard for a moment into believing that the boy was a mind reader. Howard nodded and followed Vince around the house checking the doors and windows were locked before they went into Vince’s room.

The room was huge, decorated with bright colours and strange drawings over the walls; Howard looked at the massive bed which dominated the space in the room and watched Vince kick his way through the mess on the floor. The boys climbed into bed together both lying on their backs and looking at the glow in the dark stars which covered the ceiling.

Howard reached over to Vince’s arm and squeezed tightly; a wordless thank you before falling into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning; Nightmares of non con*

[Dreary Town. Howard's song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XCe2MsXsrE)

 

Vince awoke to the amazing sensation of a warm body pressed against his chest. The person smelt so fresh and manly that Vince couldn’t help but press his nose deeper into the nest of dark curls at the man’s neck, his morning erection pressed tightly against the person’s back as they slept. Vince ran his hands down Howard’s arm watching the hair rise up with goosebumps,

Howard awoke to the sensation and immediately panicked. His heart pounded as he felt the hardness pressing against his backside; the boy jumped from the bed and threw himself into the corner of Vince’s bedroom, crying and sobbing in shock _he’s back, he’s back, he’s back, he’s back,_

Vince watched his friend with wide eyes; he had never seen anybody react like this before and he shot from the bed and walked towards his friend, hands open in a gesture of surrender as he came closer to the crying mess on the floor,

‘Oward, Oward it’s me. It’s Vince. Relax yeh? It’s only me’ Vince soothed

‘ _No! nonononono I’m sorry. I’ll do better, I promise I’ll get more money please don’t. Please’_

Vince panicked; he wasn’t sure what to do and took a step back to squat down at eye level ‘Howard… Howard it’s Vince. Come back to me please’,

Howard blinked away tears and looked up in confusion at the sleep ruffled boy in front of him ‘V-V-Vince? What are you doing here?’

‘Sssshhh Howard, it’s alright’ Vince cooed his hand reaching for Howards own ‘Let’s just get up yeah and we can talk. Keep breathing Oward’

Howard looked around the room before his shoulders sagged and he cried fresh tears; pulling himself onto shaky legs before sitting on the edge of Vince’s bed,

‘He was here’ Howard whispered ‘I felt him’

Vince furrowed his brow in confusion ‘who was?’

‘The man’

‘Which man?’ Vince pressed; he wanted to know what happened to Howard so he could understand how to help the boy,

‘The man who hurt me’ Howard choked ‘he… he didn’t… I wasn’t… and he pushed and it hurt’,

Vince lowered his head and bit his lip; he was totally out of his comfort zone here and didn’t know how to deal with this revelation,

‘Did you go to the police?’ Vince asked sincerely

‘Why would they help me? I’m a 17 year old runaway prostitute’ Howard scoffed

‘Do you want to go to the police? I’ll come with you if you like’ Vince probed

Howard meekly shook his head no; he just wanted to forget it and try to move on with whatever life he could. Vince accepted this and nodded his understanding that the topic was closed before moving on to chatter aimlessly as Howards breathing became more normal and the boy calmed himself down.

* * *

 

Their days and nights continued the same way; they would eat and chat together. Howard would attempt to clean up after Vince who reminded him about the cleaner who came over twice a week to clean the house whilst his parents were away. Howard was finally starting to become happier in himself; he discovered that his urge to self-harm was slowly diminishing and although he still sometimes raked at his skin with his fingernails, he no longer used the razor for anything other than shaving.

Vince was happy too; he finally had a best friend who understood him. The other kids at his numerous schools had always thought him too flamboyant or unusual to tolerate, they bullied and mocked him for being a ‘gayboy’ and stole his dinner money. With Howard, Vince felt safe and needed.

‘Oward!’ Vince shouted listening as Howard wandered through from the kitchen ‘I need to go into the garage. Want to come?’

Howard raised his eyebrow and shrugged pulling on his shoes and following Vince into the back of the house to open the door to the large storage space. Vince struggled with the door before opening it and clicking on the light,

Howard’s eyes lit up and his mouth fell open,

A recording studio. In the garden. Complete with every musical instrument that Howard could ever imagine. His fingers twitched as he looked over the selection of guitars and then turned to look at Vince,

‘You have a recording studio?’ Howard laughed

‘Well… my dad does the music for the documentaries. I didn’t think about it’ Vince shrugged nonchalantly,

‘Do you play?’ Howard asked watching as Vince grimaced,

‘a bit. I’m not that good. I’m more of a front man y’know’ Vince laughed throwing his arms into shapes,

‘Do you mind if i…’ Howard asked looking at the Gretsch which seemed to be calling his name,

‘Not at all, bring it in the house if you like’ Vince shrugged, grabbing whatever it was that he needed originally before locking up the garage and walking back to the house with Howard in tow, his fingers stroking the cold wood beneath.

The boys retired back to the living room where Howard immediately set the guitar on his knees, lazily picking at the strings and tuning it by ear until he was satisfied. He played a few chords and stopped; tears pricked his eyes as he thought about the songs he wanted to play, he couldn’t think of a single one.

‘Do you write songs?’ Vince asked,

‘I’ve wrote a few’ Howard admitted with a blush,

‘Can I hear one?’ Vince asked, his big blue eyes staring into Howards brown ones,

‘I don’t… I mean… they’re not happy’ Howard answered,

‘Doesn’t matter’ Vince shrugged ‘As long as you don’t mind playing’

Howard looked over at Vince and began strumming the chords which returned to his memory immediately; his heart pounded in recognition of the subject but he needed to play,

 _‘We were down and out in London_  
sharing beds and sharing money  
but we were satisfied  
with our hot milk and honey  
For the only beautiful  
little life with no regrets  
so let’s toast to a short lived love  
and drink to all the rest’

The first lines came out easily; Howard remembered the smiles and laughter of his friend and former lover. They had come down from the North together with dreams of being famous actors, poets or credible musicians but found that London wasn’t as friendly as the North. They had moved from one hostel to another, taking small dreadful rooms with whatever money they could scrape together from busking… Howard found the chorus harder to sing, his voice coming out choked and ragged,

 _I'm not going to follow you to the ground_  
Darling I'm leaving this dreary town  
I'm not going to follow you to the ground  
When there's greener pastures waiting to be found

He was the one who found him; Howard and he had fought one night over Howard’s refusal to pawn his watch to pay for food. Howard had argued that his grandfather had given him the watch and he didn’t want to get rid of his only memory of his grandparents before storming out and walking around Hyde park until it got dark. It had started to rain and the winds had picked up forcing Howard back to the small flat they were living in (more like squatting in) but when he got there, his life had changed dramatically;

His friend lay slumped over in the deckchair which was the only furniture in the poky living room. His face pale but his eyes wide and unseeing; a needle protruding from his arm and vomit coating his clothing,

Howard had tried to save him; he had tried to remember how to do CPR but his mind was blank. He had no phone, no money and nowhere to go so he ran outside and banged on the neighbours doors asking for help. The police and ambulance arrived but Howard had left with his belongings and the note which was left for him on the table.

His fingers stopped strumming the guitar as Howard fell forward in gasping sobs; his stomach and chest aching from the force of his cries. Vince shuffled closer and held Howard close to his own warmth, rocking the pair as the sounds of rain and London pressed ominously against the windows.

‘V-Vince’ Howard sobbed; his eyes raw ‘I-I can’t do anymore’

Vince soothed Howard with a soft shhh and stroked his hair calmly ‘whenever you’re ready’


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning; Self Harm and Dub con (Although its not really, but thought id tag)*

Howard had cut that night; the razor which had been neglected for so long pressed against his skin sharply watching the blood bubble to the surface. Howard gasped and hissed at the pain but relaxed his tense shoulders, letting them sag. Vince walked into the bathroom and handed Howard the first aid kit with a weak smile before leaving again and closing the door softly as Howard bandaged himself up tightly and efficiently.

The two boys had been sharing a bed since Howard arrived; neither caring about the spare beds which lay empty instead, they enjoyed the bodily warmth against one another. Howard’s night terrors had abated slightly and Vince now knew how to deal with them; he would soothe and whisper to Howard from afar until Howard awoke, confused and scared but always willing to allow Vince to care for him.

The night of the guitar was the worst one yet, Howard had thrown himself out of bed and banged against the doors screaming for somebody to help him; his eyes seeing his deceased friend in front of him, Howard’s hands had pressed down hard on thin air, shouting and crying at the shadows around him and asking the invisible friend not to die. Vince choked back a sob as Howard screamed _please don’t leave me alone_ before he awoke, scared and emotional in Vince’s bedroom.

Vince had knelt on the floor and soothed Howard as best he could, helping him climb back into bed and holding the shaking boy until he calmed himself. Howard had gripped Vince tightly, his tears soaking Vince’s t-shirt until it was a snot and tear covered mess; Vince looked up at Howard as Howard began pressing his lips against Vince’s cheekbone and jaw, messy and sloppy kisses of desperation and need lingered on Vince’s skin and took his breath away.

‘H-Howard. What are you doing?’ Vince gasped, his eyes wide with surprise and need,

‘I don’t… I don’t know’ Howard admitted as his lips continued kissing along Vince’s neck and throat,

‘What do you need?’ Vince asked breathlessly,

‘You Vince. I need you’ Howard choked before pressing his lips against Vince’s,

Vince groaned deeply before returning the kiss, his tongue licking along Howard’s bottom lip before the two boys lustfully gave in and pressed their tongues together. Licking and sucking wildly in the early morning light; small groans were swallowed and savoured as the two boys snogged and pressed themselves against one another, their hardening cocks pressing painfully against their pyjama bottoms,

‘Let’s get back into bed’ Howard suggested and pulled Vince under the bed sheets, pulling down his trousers to bare himself naked to Vince for the first time, hissing as the fabric rubbed his still sore wounds.

Vince gasped at the view before blushing and pulling down his own shorts. His large cock springing up to slap against his stomach as Howard pushed himself down to grind his erection against Vince’s. Hot slick flesh pressed against hot slick flesh as they rutted together, their tongues wrestling sloppily. Vince groaned low and grabbed the two thick shafts in his large hands, holding them together as they moved. Precum made the skin slick and slippery as the pair moved, thrusting before Vince went stiff, a silent scream ripped from his throat as he began to climax; four thick ropes of creamy cum covered his t-shirt and lower stomach before the remainder dripped over his fist, Howards shaft and his pubic hair. Howard followed soon after, his body tensing and a low growl echoing around the bedroom as he spent himself over Vince’s t-shirt mixing both loads together.

The boys lay panting on the bed; Howard flopped to lie beside Vince, his breath ragged as he stared at the ceiling,

‘y’ok?’ Vince asked quietly, almost a whisper,

Howard nodded and looked over at Vince ‘are you?’

Vince worried his lower lip and nodded before pulling his trousers back up and walking to the bathroom to clean himself up. He threw the shirt into the washing basket and cleaned himself off quickly before returning to bed, turning himself on his side and tearfully staring into the dark hallway until it was time to wake up.

* * *

 

Howard awoke alone in bed; Vince’s side was already cold so Howard assumed the boy had gotten up to make breakfast. Howard thought back to the night before and vaguely remembered his nightmare, seeing his friend broken on the floor as he tried to do CPR was too painful and he shook the thought away, settling on the encounter between him and Vince afterwards. He shouldn’t have done it, he realised, regardless of his feelings for the boy he didn’t know if it was alright but he did kiss back so it can’t have been too bad… _unless he was doing it because he felt sorry for you. He thinks you’re weak and pathetic; he will hate you now_ his brain painfully scolded.

Howard used the toilet and then went downstairs; shouting for Vince but finding silence. He walked to the kitchen table and saw the note, Vince’s childlike handwriting scrawled over the page simply saying;

**_‘Went for groceries. Didn’t want to wake you after last night, won’t be long yeh_ **

-          **_V’_**

Howard exhaled shakily and clicked on the kettle making a cup of strong coffee. He took it into the living room and clicked on the TV, curling his legs under him he watched uninterested as a domestic fight started on a morning chat show. Howard sighed and thought of Jeremy’s reaction to his own family circumstances… he didn’t want to think of his parents but his mind wouldn’t listen as it pictured his mother standing in the Kitchen in her apron and his dad sitting in the armchair reading the paper and tutting loudly.

His father was a mean man; cruel and prone to violent outbursts after a long drinking session. His mother was a lovely and caring woman who loved her only child but was weak willed when it came to her husband. Howard had often been beaten just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time and his mother had always allowed it to happen _it builds character_ was his father’s motto.

When his father had found Howard and his friend kissing in his bedroom he had flipped. Howard was beaten so badly that he broke a tooth and had to spend a week in bed to recover as his father ranted and raved that he didn’t want a _queer_ or _dirty faggot_ under his roof. Howard had apologised and claimed it was a one off but his friend was never allowed near the house ever again; Howard decided to run away that weekend and packed a small bag and headed off to London with his friend. He didn’t plan on returning to Leeds ever again if he could help it.

Vince returned home soon after; his hands weighed down with groceries as he opened the door and almost fell through. He looked at Howard and smiled wide before walking to the kitchen to put away the food;

‘Vince’ Howard started, standing up and walking to the kitchen ‘I wanted to say sorry about last night’

‘s’alright Oward. I know you can’t help it’ Vince replied without looking up from the fridge

‘No… not that. The other thing’ Howard blushed ‘I shouldn’t have forced you to do anything’

Vince looked up with large watery blue eyes, his teeth worrying his lip nervously as he ran his fingers through his hair ‘Truth is Oward. As much as I enjoyed it… it was too fast. I mean… I fancy you loads’ Vince blushed ‘I just… don’t want to rush anything’,

Howard nodded; panic rising in his chest,

‘Plus, I mean I don’t want to be rude or mean but… have you been tested?’ Vince asked with a nervous wince,

Howard shook his head no, and understood what Vince was trying to say ‘I’ll go’

Vince smiled and nodded ‘We’ll both go’

The boys made an appointment at the local clinic and walked there together in comfortable silence. They had their bloods taken and other specimens sent away for testing and were advised that it would take up to a fortnight and that they shouldn’t have any unprotected sexual contact which both boys agreed. They returned to the house and Howard picked up the guitar and began strumming,

‘Would you like to hear the rest of my song?’ Howard asked Vince, watching the younger man nod and snuggle further into the sofa

Howard took a deep breath and began from the beginning, making it through the chorus without tears before moving onto the second [verse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XCe2MsXsrE)

 _We looked with eyes that knew me_  
My word is safe of you  
I'd tame you from the start  
and the changes you'd gone through  
With this note that you could hide  
I could taste you through your act  
and theres nowt that can be done  
of a thing said in the past

Howard repeated the chorus, his voice breaking before he pulled himself back together and looked up at Vince.

‘That’s the first time I’ve sang that in over a year’ Howard smiled ‘I feel better’

Vince nodded happily, ‘what was his name?’

Howard bit his lip and looked up at Vince ‘Harry’

Vince nodded again and sat in silence just watching Howard strum the guitar. Howard looked over at his friend ‘I’m really sorry about last night Vince. Truly. I don’t ever want to make you feel used’,

‘You didn’t. I was just surprised’ Vince smiled ‘Let’s get some food’


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Full sex, Loss of Virginity

[Second Song - Hold on](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkpaKx1UUUw)

The two boys sat full and happily on the sofa as the phone rang; Vince looked up and picked it up, answering with a simple ‘Hello?’,

Howard listened to Vince chat to his parents. They asked how he was, if he was looking after himself and whether there had been any trouble; Vince happily chatted and told them about Howard staying over which they seemed okay with. Eventually the parents had to leave for more filming so signed off with a simple ‘love you son’ and hung up,

Vince replaced the phone and pulled a blanket over his legs as Howard watched him settle;

‘Your parents seem nice’

‘They’re alright. Pretty much hippies’ Vince smiled ‘I guess I’m lucky’

Howard nodded and turned his attention to the TV ‘will they mind I’m here? I mean… I don’t want to get you in trouble’

Vince scoffed and smiled ‘They won’t mind at all’

‘My dad didn’t let my friends stay over…’ Howard started before closing his mouth tightly ‘Have you ever heard of Tom Waits?’

Vince shook his head no; Howard smiled and began picking at the strings of the Gretsch melodically before singing; 

_They hung a sign up in our town_  
"if you live it up, you won't  
live it down"  
So, she left Monte Rio, son  
Just like a bullet leaves a gun  
With charcoal eyes and Monroe hips  
She went and took that California trip  
Well, the moon was gold, her  
Hair like wind  
She said don't look back just  
Come on Jim  
  
Oh you got to  
Hold on, Hold on  
You got to hold on  
Take my hand, I'm standing right here  
You gotta hold on

Vince’s foot was tapping along to the music, his foot creating slow drumbeat.  
  
 _Well, he gave her a dimestore watch_  
And a ring made from a spoon  
Everyone is looking for someone to blame  
But you share my bed, you share my name  
Well, go ahead and call the cops  
You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops  
She said baby, I still love you  
Sometimes there's nothin left to do 

Howard finished the song and smiled wide at his friend ‘I promise I do know some happy songs’ before giggling happily.

* * *

 

Howard and Vince spent the next fortnight living carefully; they refused to participate in any sexual activity but still kissed before bed. The pair snogging before masturbating next to one another, their breathing and moans spurring the other along until they reached their messy climaxes. They happily cuddled and kissed before falling asleep.

The test results came back; Howard was too nervous to open his and had Vince open them whilst Howard made tea. He walked into the living room with two hot cups of tea and looked at Vince’s happy face.

‘We’re both clean Oward. It’s going to be ok’ Vince laughed, the infectious happiness spreading to Howard too ‘let’s still go slow though yeh?’

Howard nodded and walked over to his friend, gripping the boys pointed chin to lift it to his own lips, kissing him deeply and passionately.

Vince’s parents returned a week later than expected; they immediately greeted Howard warmly and insisted he could stay as long as he needed. Vince’s mum could clearly see her son was smitten with the Northern boy, their eyes would lock occasionally and a bolt of heat would travel between the gaze before they looked away.

Vince’s mum took Vince to one side and sat him down on the sofa whilst Howard and Vince’s father worked together in the studio. Vince senior had discovered Howard’s talent for music and wanted to use it in his film which suited Howard perfectly, the pair had become firm friends and often spent time together in the studio fiddling with instruments or recording music. Vince sat beside his mother, his head low and his cheeks flushed as he expected to be asked personal questions;

‘Do you love him?’ was her opening question,

‘I think so’ Vince admitted with a whisper,

‘Does he love you?’ She asked,

‘I don’t- I don’t know mummy. Howard is…. Different’ Vince stuttered ‘He’s a little bit broken’

‘Then you need to help him fix himself’ she smiled ‘I can see in your eyes and his. You’re smitten’

‘Aren’t… aren’t you going to shout or yell at me for liking boys?’ Vince whispered,

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at her only child ‘Vincent Noir! Why would I do that? I love you no matter who you love. It doesn’t matter to me so long as they treat you properly’ she stopped for a moment to stroke her son’s hair ‘He does treat you properly?’,

Vince nodded and bit his lip watching his mum smile ‘then that’s all I care about’

* * *

 

Both boys celebrated their 18th birthdays together; Howard didn’t want to remember his actual birthday so chose to celebrate it the day before Vince’s so they could celebrate together. Vince’s parents bought cakes and presents for both boys and they had a lovely meal at a little Italian restaurant close to the house where Howard and Vince held hands in public for the first time. Walking beside Vince’s mum and dad they felt like adults, holding hands whilst wearing suits. The food was delicious and the wine warmed their bodies in the cold London air as they walked home.

Both couples retired to bed early on opposite sides of the house. Vince and Howard curled up naked together in their shared bed as they kissed and stroked one another. They hadn’t gone any further than mutual masturbation since they had begun sharing a bed; Vince had asked for more but Howard had always turned him down flat.

Tonight was different; Howard smiled as he grabbed the small box from under the bed where he had carefully placed it the day before,

‘Vince… Happy birthday’ Howard smiled as he gave Vince the box,

Vince furrowed his eyebrows and looked at his friend ‘what’s this?’

Howard bit his lower lip and looked over at Vince ‘I saved the money from – before – and I wasn’t going to spend it but then I thought I’d rather use it to buy you something seems it’s because of you that I’m here’

Vince opened the box and smiled at the gift inside. It was a pretty necklace with a music note hanging from it but the metal wasn’t silver or gold; Vince ran his fingers over it and realised what it was _a guitar string,_

‘It’s beautiful’ Vince smiled running his fingers over the cold texture ‘I love it’

Howard smiled large and toothy as he watched Vince look over the thoughtful gift ‘I made it from the string from the Gretsch from the first week I was here. I asked your dad first of course’

Vince grinned happily and reached for the box he had stashed away,

‘Do you want it now?’ He asked,

Howard nodded and Vince handed over the box which was quickly opened by Howard’s nimble fingers,

‘I might need to explain’ Vince blushed

Inside the colourful box was a silver ring and Howard laughed out loud when he saw it,

‘ _Well, he gave her a dimestore watch, and a ring made from a spoon’_ Howard sang out loud,

Vince nodded and explained further ‘I know you don’t need another watch. You have your granddads… but I thought this was quite nice’

Howard was touched by the perfect gift. It was more than he could have ever wanted or expected from his friend ‘you’re amazing’ he smiled and placed chaste kisses over Vince’s jaw,

‘I-I love you Oward’ Vince blushed,

‘I love you too Vince’

The boys slowly moved together to begin kissing, their tongues pressing against one another as their hands stroked soft skin. Howard tangled his fingers in Vince’s mane of dark hair as Vince ran his fingers over Howard’s chest and stomach, their movements slow and deliberate, teasing and experimental. Howard moved his lips over the thin skin of Vince’s throat, his tongue lingering on the pulse point, feeling it quicken.

Vince gasped at the sensations flooding his body; lust, pleasure and anxiety in equal measures. Howard sensed his discomfort and slowed his movements to a snail’s pace,

‘Is this ok?’ Howard asked nervously

Vince nodded and entwined his fingers in Howards. His other hand tracing the soft skin of Howard’s cheeks,

Howard moved to kiss down Vince’s chest; his tongue and lips dancing over the pink peaks which stood erect from the pale body. He kept one hand entwined with Vince whilst the other stroked the flat stomach and chest of his _lover,_ his lips moving lower and lower…

Vince gasped at the first sensation of Howard’s lips against his erection. It was too much and not nearly enough as Howard flicked his tongue softly and licked around the hot head, tasting the salty precum he had always hated _before… before Vince_ he shook the thoughts from his head and continued exploring. His hand stroking the length from base to tip before pulling back the loose skin and sucking the excess into his mouth, opening his jaws to allow the tip to go down into his throat,

Vince was groaning loudly now; his fingers tight around Howard’s own whilst the other hand held the bedding in a death grip as pleasure surged through his body. The sensation of Howard’s hot mouth was blissful and the combination of hand and mouth was making Vince come apart at the seams. He whimpered and bucked his hips causing Howard to gag slightly and cough before maintaining the rhythm getting closer to giving Vince his first ever oral orgasm. Howard reached below and rubbed and caressed Vince’s balls the way he had seen the other boy do when they masturbated together, his other finger pressing firmly on the perineum and watching as Vince arched from the bed and stuffed his fist into his mouth to stop the scream from escaping,

‘H-Ho-Howard… gunna… oh god’ Vince whimpered as his climax ripped through him and he began to cum,

Howard sucked down the entire load, swallowing it easily and licking Vince completely clean before pulling away with a loud _pop,_

Vince’s eyes were open wide as his brain swam; sensations flooded his nerves and sent jolts from his toes to his brain as the afterglow of his orgasm kicked in. Vince felt the mattress dip as Howard lay beside him and pulled him to his chest ‘was that ok?’

Vince attempted speech and instead managed to mumble ‘ _nggmmh’_ much to Howards delight

The pair lay in silence; Vince gently dozing on Howards shoulder as Howard stroked his hair,

‘You didn’t… should i?’ Vince asked,

‘You don’t have too’ Howard blushed, still unsure how he would react ‘I don’t know how… you know’

Vince looked up with his bright blue eyes and smiled ‘tell me what to do. I can stop anytime’,

Howard nodded and watched as Vince began kissing down his cheeks and over his nose making Howard go slightly cross-eyed. Vince nipped and licked along the shell of Howard’s ear watching as he shuddered in pleasure, his cock twitching slightly.

Vince noted the reaction and stored it away; his mouth moving down to the scar on Howard’s shoulder, over his broad and almost manly chest and down the hairy stomach, his tongue dipping in Howards navel momentarily before looking up and smiling at Howards ticklish giggle. Vince moved his hand down to run through Howard’s curly bush of pubic hair, the back of his hand brushing the hard cock which stood erect. Vince watched Howard’s face for panic or anxiety but found only anticipation.

Vince reached Howard’s thick thighs and placed tender and gentle kisses over the shiny scars which criss-crossed the pale flesh. Each lump and bump was carefully catalogued by Vince’s tongue and fingers; Vince grabbed for the thick shaft of Howards cock and stroked it carefully, his thumb rubbing over the tip softly.

‘You’re so beautiful’ Vince whispered, his tongue lathering the tip and collecting the moisture which leaked freely. Howard tightened and Vince stopped until Howard nodded to continue; Vince stroked his fingers up and down in a steady rhythm as he licked and sucked at the tip. Not able to take more than a few inches he focussed on the tip and the small bundle of nerves of the frenulum watching Howards eyes flutter closed happily.

‘Would you like to fuck me Oward?’ Vince asked blushing deeply in the darkness

Howard tightened again; his eyes opening in panic as he looked down at Vince

‘Are you sure?’

Vince nodded then realised it was dark so whispered ‘yes’

Howard brought Vince up for a deep and passionate kiss; he moved away and whispered deeply in Vince’s ear ‘I will if you want it. Tell me you want it please’,

Vince groaned deeply and whispered ‘Yes Howard, I want it. Want you’

Howard grabbed his cock tightly to stop the imminent orgasm from Vince’s words. He reached for the bottle of lubricant which had mysteriously appeared in their underwear drawer and placed it on the bed between them.

‘If you need to stop… tell me. I don’t want to hurt you’ Howard croaked, his throat dry.

‘Howard it’s okay. Relax’ Vince soothed kissing the boy again and lying himself on his back,

Howard took a deep breath and clicked open the lid to the lubricant, positioning himself between Vince’s spread legs;

‘Okay, I’ll just use one finger for now’ Howard said thickly, watching Vince nod,

He coated his fingers with lube and wrapped one hand around the hardness of Vince’s cock, stroking up and down gently as he probed at the virgin hole with his other hand. He pressed softly at the rim and watched Vince as he slowly slipped his first digit inside to the first knuckle watching Vince grimace slightly at the unusual sensation.

‘Talk to me’ Howard said anxiously ‘tell me it doesn’t hurt’

‘No, doesn’t hurt. Feels weird’ Vince smiled ‘really weird’

‘Breathe deeply, it helps’ Howard suggested, pressing further inside Vince until one finger was deeply embedded inside,

Howard watched as Vince opened his mouth in an O shape, and he stilled until Vince relaxed his tight grip on Howard’s finger. Howard stroked Vince’s cock as his finger stayed still, watching the younger man relax and breathe normally as Howard cricked his finger and began looking for the prostate. He found it when Vince almost fell off the bed with a loud yelp of pleasure,

‘Christ! Do that again’ Vince begged,

Howard chuckled and did as he was told; pressing a little harder on the lump of nerves and watching Vince stiffen and leak another river of precum down his shaft to rest in his pubic hair.

‘More’ Vince gasped

‘You sure?’ Howard asked with concern in his voice,

‘Yes… god yes’ Vince panted

Howard removed his finger and lubed up two, pressing them inside the tight tunnel feeling Vince tighten and whimper,

‘Relax. Keep relaxing’ Howard soothed, his hand moving from the boys cock to his hand, squeezing tightly as his fingers continued their journey down the tight passage.

‘I want… - Oh god Oward – I want you to fuck me’ Vince whimpered

‘I’d need to put another finger in. Are you sure?’ Howard asked nervously watching Vince bite his lower lip and nod,

Howard scissored his two fingers, stretching and opening the hole as much as possible before removing his fingers and slicking up three. Pressing them inside slowly and keeping an eye on Vince’s grimacing face,

‘Is it too much? I’ll pull out’ Howard said as he attempted to remove his fingers, stopping when Vince grabbed him tightly,

‘No… just… wait…’ Vince gasped, breathing deeply and bearing down on the intruding fingers until Howard was fully inside him,

‘Fuck Vince. You’re so perfect’ Howard sighed,

‘Make love to me Oward’ Vince begged, his twinkling blue eyes bright in the moon light,

Howard removed his hand from Vince’s hand and awkwardly poured lube over his cock, slicking himself with far more lube than was needed but Howard wasn’t going to hurt his love. He slowly and gently removed his fingers and wiped them on the bed sheet before grasping his cock and pressing it to Vince’s loose hole.

Howard wriggled himself into a better position so he was lying over Vince. Their naked chests rubbing against one another and Vince’s cock trapped between their stomachs as Howard pressed his tip against the rim and slowly pushed inside. Catching Vince’s lips in a deep and passionate kiss he swallowed the moan which escaped as the first part of Howard’s cock breached his virgin hole. Howard whimpered at the tightness which enveloped his cock and held still to allow Vince to get used to the sensation and also to stop him coming immediately. Howard held Vince’s hands tightly, their fingers entwining either side of Vince’s neck as they kissed and groaned into one another; Vince rocked his hips allowing Howard to slip in even further and then he was fully sheathed. The teenagers joined together perfectly as they rocked and thrust against one another.

Vince growled low in his throat as he circled his hips, gasping deeply when Howards tip pressed against his prostate sending flashing lights behind his eyelids. Howard moved his head to rest between Vince’s ear and neck, whispering sweet nothings to his lover who saved him;

‘I love you Vince, my Vince. God I love you’ he mumbled, his thrusts shallow and deep

‘Howard’ Vince gasped ‘Please’

Howard moved his hands underneath Vince’s shoulders and began deeper and harder thrusts, his tip pressing firmly on the prostate as they moved together… harder and faster. The sweat pouring from their bodies to create a sheen over Vince’s stomach, his cock pressing between their skin and being rubbed perfectly in unison with Howards thrusts. Vince almost couldn’t stand the intensity of the sensations rushing through his body; he mumbled and whimpered incoherently as Howard continued to thrust inside him. Howard captured Vince’s lips into a lingering and sloppy kiss and watched enraptured as Vince stiffened and cried out loud inside Howards lips as his climax rocked him, washing over him in waves and coating the two teens in hot wetness. Howard keened as he felt Vince tighten around his cock and then he too was coming, filling Vince’s insides with his own creamy cum. Howard carefully removed his lips from Vince who was shaking and shuddering beneath his lover; stroking Vince’s knotted hair softly before pressing his weight onto his elbows and kissing each of Vince’s eyelids,

‘You’re amazing’ Howard sighed with a smile ‘Do you know that Vincent Noir?’

Vince blushed and opened his eye ‘You’re not too bad yourself Howard Moon… Maybe I should call you _Howard Moon; Man of Action’_

Howard gave a happy chuckle before slowly pulling his softening cock from Vince, feeling the hot liquid dripping down Vince’s perineum ‘And maybe I’ll call you my _Little man_ seems you’re skin and bone’ Howard laughed, kissing each of Vince’s ribs in turn as he moved to lie beside his lover.

Vince lazily nuzzled into Howards cheek, his pointy nose pressing against Howards jaw as he snuggled ‘are you going to be alright tonight?’

Howard smiled at kissed Vince’s forehead ‘I think I am Vince. I think it’ll be okay’


	6. Chapter 6

‘I’m really nervous Vince’ Howard admitted; his forehead and upper lip drenched in anxious sweat

‘Don’t be yeh? You’re a genius. You’ll nail it’ Vince soothed, his finger lacing into Howards sweetly as they walked through London ‘I’ll wait in Topshop for you’

The couple kissed discreetly outside the gates of the zoo, Howard’s eyes darting left and right anxiously. Despite being together over 18 months, Howard still got nervous in public. Howard walked in through the ornate gates whilst Vince sauntered towards the Topshop sales; his fingers tightly crossed inside his pockets.

Howard wasn’t sure what to make of the job interview; it was his first ever attempt but he was almost certain that most companies didn’t employ an American buffoon to dance whilst asking the questions of simpletons. Fossil was a strange man; his shirt pulled tightly over his slightly flabby body as he rubbed at his nipples and smacked his buttocks. Howard was strangely entranced by Fossil _not sexually_ his mind screamed, _like trapping a spider under a glass and staring at it_.

Howard had met Vince outside Topshop where the younger man skipped nervously surrounded by bags heaving with clothes. Howard attempted to roll his eyes but was stopped by Vince’s lips against his; they didn’t normally kiss outside in public, Howard was still nervous about his sexuality and the reactions to it but Vince wasn’t fazed by the whispers and looks in their direction. He enjoyed being centre of attention.

‘So… How did it go?’ Vince asked excitedly

‘Well…’ Howard stalled before looking down at Vince ‘You’re now looking at Howard Moon, Zoo Keeper sir!’

Vince made a strangled cry and wrapped his arms around Howards shoulder and pulled him for a tight bear hug. Tears pricked his eyes as he held his boyfriend tight.

‘I’m so proud of you Oward’ Vince smiled

‘Let’s go out for dinner to celebrate’ Howard suggested, twining his fingers in the spaces between Vince’s and picking up the bags with his remaining hand.

* * *

 

Howard had managed to convince Fossil to give Vince a job soon after he started thanks to a special skill which Vince had kept hidden; he could talk to animals.

Howard was stunned at first; watching Vince chattering to an ocelot or porpoise was like something from a fantasy film but eventually he got his mind around it and Vince opened up about his talent. He had always been able to speak to animals thanks to his parents documentary filming; he had grown up in various forests or jungles. His parents had been busy filming so Vince had made friends with the animals, naming them and learning about the environment until his parents returned and found him asleep on a Jaguar. They had immediately panicked and insisted that Vince needed stability and safety so sent him home to live in England with a small retinue of babysitters, cleaners and cooks. Vince had missed the jungle and his companions but then he met Howard and had forgotten.

The two men now aged 20 began working the same shifts at the Zoo before returning to Vince’s parents’ house and sleeping; eventually they decided that they should bring things into the Keeper hut and stay there. It already had a small bathroom complete with shower and a kitchen and it was really quite snug for the pair of them. They had a sofa and table, a TV and radio; they just stored the mattress and bedding away before making it up right before sleepy time. The arrangement worked perfectly and the free rent on the hut meant that their wages were their own.

Vince spent his on clothes, hair products and trinkets which Howard didn’t understand. Vince was like a magpie; completely smitten with shiny baubles whereas Howard stuck to his browns and beiges, a simple pair of cords and converse being his day to day attire.

His wages were saved and squirrelled away; except a small portion which Vince asked about but Howard didn’t want to talk about. Once a month he would place fifty euro’s in an envelope and scrawl an address on it before walking to the post box and sending it without a word.

Eventually Howard slipped up and left the written envelope on the table as he walked to grab a scarf against the chilly air allowing Vince to quickly read the name and address on the envelope, written in Howard’s scrawl was _Mrs. S Moon_ and a Leeds address. Vince realised that Howard had been sending money home to his mother for the last year as they worked; Vince’s heart fluttered with love for his man of action before he threw himself back on the sofa, picking up his magazine and acting surprised when Howard returned;

‘Would you get me some Bovril hula hoops?’ Vince asked with his cheeky smile, letting Howard place a soft kiss on his forehead

Life moved slowly at the zoo; Howard would cook and clean whilst Vince checked on the hoofed mammals. They would crimp happily as they mucked out and then retire back to the hut where Howard would strum at his guitar and Vince would make up lyrics alongside the tune before making love. They made a good team.

Howard was having Shaman therapy with the unusual gypsy who ran the kiosk. Naboo was a dark eyed, exotic boy who had certain magical powers; Howard had scoffed at the thought until he had witnessed Naboo conjuring up new batteries for his Walkman from thin air. Howard swiftly agreed that Naboo was definitely a shaman; he had an ongoing standing appointment once a week for counselling where he would sit on the other side of the room and talk, letting his past experiences flow out to Naboo who sat silently, occasionally taking a deep drag of his hookah as he listened.

Howard would cry and rant at the misfortunes which led him to London, he raged at his father and the men who had used him as a teen but once he began talking about Vince his whole aura would change from black and purple to orange and pinks as he spoke about how much he loved Vince. Naboo would feel his own energy fizz with the happiness radiating from Howard and the young Shaman would smile; waiving his hands over Howard he would cleanse the bad feelings and let Howard leave with a spring in his step.

Vince was happy too; he had a job he loved, he lived with his favourite man in the world and he had made new friends with Naboo and Bollo the ape. He was happily content; until two girls entered the zoo.

The girls were different to any Vince had ever seen; their clothes and make up were bright and luminous, the yellows reflecting the sun straight into Vince’s blue eyes as though they were made just for him. Howard had smiled at the girls and informed them of the various attractions at the zoo but the girls only had eyes for Vince. They practically ignored Howard as they asked Vince if he was in a band and whether he could sing; Vince agreed he was one of the great frontmen and arranged a meeting to try out with the manager. Howard smiled and walked away glad that Vince could have the opportunity to find new friends and new hobbies.

Howard was sitting in the hut reading a book when Vince burst through the door with a happy look on his face;

‘Alright Oward!’ the boy smiled ‘Listen to this!’

Howard listened with a grimace as Vince played the new demo of his band; all keyboard screeching and synth. Vince looked upset at Howard’s reaction but shrugged it off, plugging in his headphones as Howard began talking, and eventually Howard became annoyed with Vince ignoring him and pulled off the headphones from his boyfriend asking ‘are you even listening to me?’

‘What? Oward I need to know this by tonight yeh?’

Vince’s curtness quickly escalated into a domestic row which exhausted Howard and caused Vince to walk out of the hut, slamming the door angrily behind him. Vince hoped that Howard would still come along to see him perform that night; he desperately hoped so.

* * *

 

Howard looked at the clock; it was 8pm and Vince would be on stage in half an hour. He sat stewing for a moment, hoping to convince himself to stay in and ignore the little git until he returned and they could talk properly but he decided against it. Pulling on his coat he grabbed the zoo keys and left for the club.

Vince paced in the dressing room, his makeup and hair already done, his costume fit perfectly but his anxiety had him bordering on a panic attack. He wished that Howard would walk in and stilled when he heard footsteps outside his door; the door opened and Ultra walked in, her blonde hair now coated with glitter and backcombed to a bouffant. Vince exhaled shakily and resumed this pacing,

‘Nervous?’ Ultra asked, her lips hanging open seductively after she spoke,

‘a bit’ Vince admitted, turning on his heels and pacing more,

‘I can think of a way you can stop being nervous’ Ultra smiled, her lips moving against Vince’s earlobe and nipping it.

‘I can’t- _oh –_ Howard’ Vince whimpered, his body already traitorously reacting to the stimulation of another set of lips on his skin,

‘The jazz creep?’ Ultra asked incredulously before grabbing Vince’s hands and pressing them to her breasts ‘forget about him for the moment’

Vince did as he was told; capturing her lips in a passionate kiss he held her against the wall as they snogged and smeared their make up together. Vince groped at Ultra’s breasts, enjoying the new sensation under his fingertips, her aroused groans being swallowed by Vince as they kissed desperately. Ultra unzipped the costume Vince was wearing and allowed it to pool beside their feet; she unzipped her own and stood naked in front of her bandmate for the first time. Her skin was pale, freckles covered the flesh and her nipples stood out prominently with large dusky pink areolas. Her nipples were threaded with metal bars which caused Vince to gasp and touch softly,

‘I won’t break’ Ultra hissed, using her hands to press Vince’s hands harder onto her sensitive buds

Vince nodded and pinched and rolled the erect nubs; kissing her again as his hands roamed over the new curves. His cock ached in his boxers and he was rewarded with a long stroke from Ultra’s talented hands, her fingers pulling down the waistband and freeing the twitching shaft from its fabric prison. Vince gasped as Ultra wrapped her hand around the length and stroked harshly, tugging harder than he or Howard would ever touch. Vince’s legs went momentarily weak at the pleasurable sensations rushing through his body and he pressed further forward, careful not to fall over his clothing around his ankles as he pushed Ultra harder against the dressing room wall. She parted her legs and allowed Vince to press his hot cock into her folds, sighing at the feeling of warmth against her wetness. Vince held his cock and looked up at Ultra, pressing inside her inch by inch.

The pair were too involved with one another that they didn’t hear Howard approach or stand in shock at the doorway. His eyes wide and filled with hurt as he watched his boyfriend penetrate a woman for the first time ever; Vince moved quickly, sheathing himself inside Ultra who groaned and gasped, her fingers digging into Vince’s shoulders as they moved together. Howard couldn’t tear his eyes away from the heart breaking scene in front of him.

Vince thrust quickly, harder and desperate to reach his climax. He felt Ultra wrap her thigh around his back, pulling him in further as they rutted against one another; Vince enjoyed the feeling of warmth and wetness around his cock, he had never been able to top Howard so the sensations were completely new to him, his cock twitched happily as they became more impatient, desperate for their climaxes.

Ultra kissed Vince deeply, their tongues entwining as her orgasm washed over her; she clamped down on Vince’s cock as she came, milking his own orgasm from him and enjoying the sensation of feeling Vince shooting inside her, the warmth flooding her insides as Vince groaned deeply and stilled.

The pair stopped kissing and sheepishly pulled apart; Vince removed his cock from inside Ultra and covered himself with the boxer shorts which clung to his thighs. He was still leaking and wet from the encounter and watched as the liquid soaked into the fabric of his underwear, he looked at Ultra whose eyes had gone wide.

‘Vince’ she mumbled, gesturing to the doorway,

Vince looked over and saw Howard standing there, silent and frozen in the light of the dressing room. His heart stopped and dropped into his stomach as he looked at the anger and hurt evident in Howard’s eyes.

‘Howard i… _fuck..._ It’s not what it looks like’ Vince stammered, pulling his costume back up and attempting to zip it up,

‘Oh really?’ Howard smiled sardonically ‘Tell me what it is. Because it looked like you fucked her’

Vince groaned deeply; his stomach fluttering and his legs refusing to work as Howard stood staring him down.

The moment was broken by Neon who came running into the dressing room; her eyes widening and the obviously tense scene unfolding.

‘The head of Pie-face records is in the audience and Johnny has quit! We don’t have a keyboard player’ Neon shouted at the other band members who stood looking sheepish,

Howard scoffed as he watched the band turn to him, asking for help.

Howard had agreed to help them this time; Vince had cried and begged for forgiveness but Howard had ignored him, telling his boyfriend that they would talk at home. He walked away with Neon to get the music and learn the notes leaving Ultra and Vince together in silence.

The gig was a disaster; Howard was in no mood to play music and fucked up every note he attempted to play. His fingers seemingly refusing to help the people who had broken his heart; he played as best he could but eventually he walked away from the stage mid song. Walking slowly back to the Zoo and the hut where he would wait for Vince.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning: self harm and depictions of rape*

After the gig Vince walked home alone, his mind whirring with terrible thoughts of Howard leaving him, he couldn’t imagine his life without Howard in it and he cursed himself for ruining everything for one moment of madness. He reached the zoo and took a deep breath before entering the hut to talk to Howard.

Howard sat on the sofa with a cup of tea. There was complete silence in the room except the occasional gulp of Howard drinking; Vince closed the door softly and moved to stand in front of Howard, his fingers entwined together nervously in front of him.

‘I’m sorry Howard’ Vince whispered

Howard laughed; a deep, sarcastic laugh of hurt and pain ‘Oh well, if you’re sorry then it’s all alright isn’t it? It’s not like I’ve just watched the man I love fuck somebody else… unprotected’

Vince swallowed deeply; his mind remembering that it was in fact unprotected and he didn’t know anything about the girl; whether she was clean, if she did that a lot… if she was on birth control.

Howard shook his head and refused to look at Vince as he spoke ‘Did you also realise something else?’

Vince looked at his boyfriend with a confused look, shaking his head,

‘You’re wearing the necklace I made you. It slapped against your chest with every thrust’ Howard choked back a sob ‘I had to watch it and hear it hitting your skin as you fucked that girl. I put everything I had into this relationship Vince. _Everything’_

Vince couldn’t hold back the tears anymore; they flowed freely down his cheeks as he looked at the hurt in Howards eyes. Vince moved his hand to grip the necklace tightly and felt the cold metal touch his skin.

‘It was a mistake’ Vince cried ‘I didn’t mean to do it’

‘Ohhh I see. You slipped and landed naked in her vagina?’ Howard laughed coldly ‘that explains it’

Vince looked at Howard with an angry look ‘You know what I mean’

‘You know what Vince? I don’t think I do. I’ve never _once_ felt the need to sleep with anybody else. You’ve always been enough for me’ Howard shouted, his face becoming red with anger,

‘THAT’S BECAUSE YOU FUCKED LOTS OF PEOPLE BEFORE!’ Vince screamed passionately before covering his mouth with his hands ‘Oh god Howard I’m so sorry’

Howard froze, his mouth falling open as rage washed over him. He threw his mug across the room watching it splinter into a thousand small chunks of porcelain against the wall and floor.

‘How fucking dare you Vince, Don’t you _DARE_ bring my past into this shit. It’s not my fault you fucked that girl and don’t you blame me for your inability to be faithful’ Howard cried, harsh sobs exploding from his chest ‘You knew what happened in the past before we got together. Don’t throw it back at me now’

Vince slumped to the floor, wailing painfully as the realisation of his mistakes flooded over him. He barely noticed when Naboo opened the hut door and stood in the doorway looking at the scene.

‘What’s going on?’ The shaman asked

‘Vince fucked a girl tonight’ Howard spat, tears still trailing down his cheeks ‘and then blamed me for it’

Naboo looked at the crying shape of Vince against the floor and then back to Howard ‘I think you better take a break. Howard why don’t you go stay at my flat tonight? I’ll come over in a bit’

Howard looked at Naboo and then Vince before walking over to the Shaman, collecting the keys and walking out of the hut and into the London night. His legs burning with the fast pace he walked to get to the safety of the house.

Naboo meanwhile helped Vince to his feet ensuring the young man was seated on the sofa with a cup of tea. Naboo chanted a small calming spell and let Vince lay down, falling into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

Howard sat stiffly on the sofa in Naboo’s flat, his eyes ached from crying and his throat felt drier than ever. Quiet sobs escaped his lips as he twirled the ring Vince had given him for his 18th birthday,

‘Howard?’ Naboo whispered, climbing the stairs slowly

‘Yeh, I’m here’ Howard replied, wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands.

Naboo walked through the flat and sat himself in the chair to Howard’s right. The men sat silently for a while until Howard looked over at his friend and sobbed ‘What am I going to do without him Naboo?’

‘You don’t have to be without him Howard. He made a mistake and he hates himself for it’ Naboo soothed,

‘I can’t – How can I trust him after this? Not only did he cheat but he didn’t even use protection’

Naboo grimaced and looked up at Howard ‘Doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love you’

Howard sobbed harder; his chest rising and falling with a panic attack. Naboo moved over to sit on the floor by Howard’s feet, urging him to breath. His soft spoken voice calming Howard until the urges passed.

‘Stay here tonight. You need to rest’ Naboo soothed, helping Howard to his feet and through to the spare room.

Howard lay in the bed which smelt so different to his own; the events of the night spinning in his head. He missed Vince, missed their cuddles and kisses, he missed their storytelling and snuggling down together to fall asleep in the warmth of their bed. Howard was suddenly transported back to being 16 again, cowering in the shared house with the other street boys waiting for the boss to turn up and decide whether they deserved a beating. Howard winced as he remembered the blows which would rain down on his head and chest as he was beaten for not getting enough money.

Howard stood and walked to the bathroom just in his underwear, Naboo didn’t keep much in the house and didn’t have razors so Howard walked to the kitchen and grabbed the kitchen knife, pressing the blade to his arm and cutting deeply watching as the crimson blood dripped down his skin. He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt the pressure slowly lessen but looked down at his bare thighs; they were criss-crossed with old scars and Howard pressed the blade to the largest one, pressing down and slicing quickly as he hissed with the pain and satisfaction.

He cleaned up the kitchen as best he could and cleaned the knife thoroughly before replacing it. He walked back to the bathroom and grabbed tissue before heading to bed and lying down; he ignored the blood flowing down his skin and fell asleep; exhausted and numb.

‘Howard… Howard wake up you fucking idiot’ Naboo chastised, looking over at the pale figure still in bed. He had walked in to check on the man and found him lying in a pool of blood from cuts on his arms and thighs. Naboo quickly chanted a few enchantments and cleaned the wounds before walking for his first aid kit and bringing it back to the spare room.

* * *

 

Howard woke up to find the strange shaman watching him. His head pounded and his mouth was bone dry as he blinked up at the ceiling attempting to recognise his surroundings _I’m at Naboos, Vince isn’t here. Vince broke my heart_ his memory reminded him. Howard looked over at Naboo who was scowling slightly, his eyes dark as he looked over Howard’s flesh.

‘Why did you do this?’ Naboo asked quietly

‘Do what?’ Howard replied groggily, his mind slow and uncooperative,

‘Cut’ Naboo said simply looking away from the red stains over the pale skin.

Howard sighed deeply and let his arm fall over his eyes; ‘I don’t know… it’s what I’ve always done’

Naboo shook his head and looked over at his workmate ‘You should clean yourself up. We have to go to work’

Howard stood on shaky legs and allowed Naboo to help him to the bathroom before stepping into the warm shower spray, cleaning off the dried blood until the water turned pink.

* * *

 

Vince had awoken an hour after Naboo left; he cried out for Howard and realised that Howard wasn’t home, he had left because Vince had hurt him. Vince’s tears started again and he threw himself against the sofa until he couldn’t breathe, his chest aching with heavy sobs,

He almost didn’t hear the knock on the door; he stood quickly expecting Howard but found Fossil instead; his ridiculous shirt buttoned up wrong and his fat hands holding a bottle of Whisky,

‘I heard you and Howard had a fight’ Bob said softly ‘thought I’d check on ya’

‘Cheers but I’m not in the mood’ Vince replied, attempting to close the door but being knocked aside by his boss,

Hours later both men sat on the sofa slightly worse for wear, the whisky flowed as did the conversation. Vince found himself opening up to his boss and telling him about his and Howards relationship, how long they had been together and then finally, about Howards past and his prostitution history.

Bob listened carefully; his eyes widening as Vince divulged all of his lover’s secrets. Bob felt guilty that one of the first times he had ever met Howard he had introduced him humorously as _‘Howard Moon: Former Male Prostitute’_ It was just a stupid joke but Fossil immediately felt bad for the hurtful comment. He attempted to sooth Vince’s tears by telling stupid jokes but Vince wouldn’t laugh, he explained to Bob that he didn’t think he would ever laugh again if Howard didn’t come home.

Bob asked about why they fell out; Vince explained about the band, the girl and the sex, watching as Fossils eyes widened at the idea of Vince having sex with a female and asked the only question he could think of,

‘Was she hot?’ he asked whilst licking and rubbing his nipples through his shirt

Vince felt sick and immediately threw Bob out of the hut, telling him to fuck off and slamming the door behind him. Vince bolted the door and threw himself onto the sofa for more self-pitying crying and self-hatred.

When Vince awoke it was morning and the zoo was beginning to fill with sounds of hungry animals. The elephant screeched for Vince to bring his breakfast whilst the nocturnal animals shouted back to tell him to shut up, they were trying to sleep. Vince covered his ears and winced at the cacophony of sound against his hung over brain cell; he stood up and put on his uniform, he didn’t even check his hair before he left the hut with his bucket of seed.

Howard walked into the Zoo with Naboo; the shaman went to his Kiosk and asked Howard if he would be okay to which the keeper nodded. He would be fine; he just needed to avoid Vince for a while. He pulled down his uniform sleeves to hide the bandages which Naboo had wrapped tightly around his wounds and started towards his first task of the day.

Neither men saw each other until Lunch time; Howard was in the hut cutting up vegetables for the goats as Vince wandered in. He stopped and looked over at Howard with large, surprised eyes before putting his head down and walking to the sofa picking up a magazine and pretending to read it.

Howard lifted the bucket of vegetables and walked out to hand it to another keeper, locking the hut door as he returned and looking over at his boyfriend.

‘Howard…’ Vince started, his voice trailing off

‘You fucked up’ Howard replied forcefully ‘you’ve broken my trust, I feel like I don’t know you anymore Vince’

Vince bit his lip and attempted to hide the sob which erupted from his chest at Howard’s heartbreak ‘I know’

‘You know how much I love you, how much I adore you and I would die for you’ Howard continued watching Vince begin to cry ‘You’re everything to me Vince’

‘Howard… It was a mistake. I love you and only you. Ever’

Howard nodded and turned his head away to stop himself running over and grabbing Vince for a deep kiss ‘I’m angry and disappointed but I understand why you did it. If you want to do it again then we need to break up’

Vince gasped and his eyes filled with more tears as he shouted ‘NO! No I don’t want to do it again, ever, not with anybody else. I want to be with you’

Howard nodded again and spoke softly ‘We need to take it slowly. Very slowly Vince but I still love you’

Vince sobbed and rushed towards Howard; he grabbed Howard’s waist and wrapped himself around his boyfriend firmly.

‘I’m still very very pissed off’ Howard whispered, stroking Vince’s hair softly ‘and it will probably come out occasionally but I want to make this work’

Vince nodded and tightened his grip around Howards waist and thighs listening as Howard hissed with the painful feelings of Vince pressed against his cuts

‘Y-You did it again?’ Vince asked concerned

Howard nodded embarrassed as Vince moved away and pressed himself against Howard’s chest in a full body hug ‘I’m sorry I hurt you’

‘I know’ Howard replied hugging Vince back.

The two men retired to bed. Each exhausted from the previous 48 hours of emotional turmoil and lack of sleep; Howard dressed in a full set of pyjamas and climbed onto the bed whilst Vince showered and attempted to climb into bed naked before clearing his throat and grabbing his pyjamas. He dressed in silence and climbed to lie side by side with Howard, the silence extending and becoming slightly awkward for the first time ever. The pair lay on their backs looking at the ceiling until utterly exhausted; the pair fell asleep.

_He didn’t want to be here. He remembered the smells, the cold seeping through to his bones as the man approached. Closer-closer-closer. Howard backed away, his back hitting the wall of the abandoned building where he brought his clients; the man smiled, blackened teeth showed beneath slug like lips. His fingers reached for Howard, pulling him closer, Howard struggled but the man was stronger, he wrapped his large forearm around Howard’s throat and held him tight licking his fat tongue down Howards throat and neck._

Howard was whimpering in his sleep; Vince awoke and looked at his lover sweating and crying out in terror. Vince tried to remember the last time he had seen Howard have a night terror, but he couldn’t think. He wrapped his hand around Howards and held it tight whispering soothing sounds to wake Howard,

_Howard felt somebody gripping him and his bowels turned to water, his legs refused to work as he tried to run away but the man wouldn’t let him. The bad man grabbed Howard’s hair and pushed him down until he was bent almost double, his head between his knees as he felt the client press inside him dry, the agony was unlike anything Howard had ever felt and he felt himself gag with pain. His brain screamed to **DO SOMETHING** but nothing worked, he couldn’t get away from the man’s grip. The man was panting happily now, sounds of excitement leaving his lips as he thrust and tore, feeling Howards blood dripping down his thighs as he rutted hungrily. Howard retched as he felt the man finish inside him and pull himself out, Howard looked up at the man and watched him pull off a condom, tying it off and throwing it into the corner of the building. Howard absently noticed that the condom was streaked with blood; his blood, but his legs gave way and he fell to the floor in a pile as the man looked behind him and spat at the teenager cowering on the cold concrete floor ‘for your troubles’ the man snarled and threw a £20 on the floor beside Howard before walking out and leaving in his car._

Vince was worrying now; Howard had never had a nightmare which lasted this long. He pressed himself closer to Howards back and attempted to wake his lover, watching Howards eyes open and the man rush from the bed into the corner of the hut, crying and screaming in pain as he scratched at the scabs which covered his arms.

‘Howard, Howard it’s me’ Vince soothed, his arms outstretched calmly,

 _NONONONONONONONONO BADMAN BADMAN_ Howard mumbled, his eyes unseeing and unfocussed as he scratched himself, feeling the dull ache from his arms.

Vince had started to panic as Howard scratched and cried; it was as though Howard wasn’t really there. Vince was about to go and call Naboo when Howard blinked and whimpered ‘Vince?’

Vince exhaled a deep and shaky breath he hadn’t know he was holding and walked over to help Howard from the cold floor. Howard was shaking, his whole body trembling as he let Vince take him back to bed. Vince wrapped the duvet around Howard’s shaking shoulders and stood up to make tea,

_Tea makes everything better_

Vince handed Howard his sweet tea and helped him drink small sips, holding the trembling cup to Howards lips incase Howard burned himself. Vince was careful to give Howard space and not crowd him as he slowly came around from his nightmare, Howard was still sniffling and whimpering softly but he was finally calming much to Vince’s relief.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Vince asked carefully watching as Howard shook his head no,

‘Was it because of what I did?’ Vince whispered softly, his eyes refusing to meet Howards

Howard thought for a moment; he didn’t want to hurt Vince but he couldn’t lie. He nodded.

Vince’s breath became a choked sob as he lowered his head and sat silently. His fingers coming away red from Howards broken skin; He stood up and grabbed the first aid box and got to work bandaging Howards arms again, cleaning the wounds carefully.

Howard checked the time, 5am; it wouldn’t be a good idea to try to sleep so he clicked on the radio and listened to soft jazz until their alarm went off. Vince stayed silent, lost in thought.


	8. Chapter 8

The day’s work went quickly and uneventfully; Howard was quiet and subdued, his mind still groggy from the night terror whilst Vince chattered aimlessly to the animals, asking their relationship advice and getting some rather filthy ideas from the bears. Vince grimaced and thanked them before leaving quickly, rushing back to the hut as it got darker.

Howard was already there, he was making up the bed as Vince entered and looked up to say hello to his boyfriend. Vince greeted him warmly but looked confused when he watched Howard make up two separate beds.

‘What’s going on?’ Vince asked

‘I can’t sleep with you. Your… touch. It set my nightmare off last night and I don’t want to risk it’ Howard sighed sadly ‘so I was thinking you could either sleep on the sofa or the floor?’

‘Why do I have to sleep on the floor or sofa?’ Vince asked incredulously ‘Why don’t you?’

Howard’s eyes narrowed and he bore his teeth in a snarl as he looked at Vince, frightening the younger man momentarily before Howard caught himself and relaxed ‘Because you broke the relationship’,

Vince gasped and lowered his head sadly again before nodding ‘Sofa’

The two men retired for the night, close in proximity but miles away in thought. Vince lay on his back on the sofa, he felt cold and distant from Howard who lay on the bed made up on the floor of the hut, he looked down and saw that Howard wasn’t asleep either.

‘I love you Oward’ Vince whispered

‘I know’ Howard replied

Vince waited for Howard to reply with his own endearment but realised it wasn’t coming. He turned onto his side and cried silent tears into the back of the sofa; wishing he had never hurt his lover.

* * *

 

Vince and Howard continued to sleep separately; their relationship strained by the distance between them. They continued to work together closely, feeding the animals and mucking out, giving talks to visitors and helping Naboo stocktake in the Kiosk but it was strained. The pair stood talking to Naboo and Fossil by the gate when Vince began chatting, his arms gesturing wildly before stopping and pressing onto Howard’s broad chest,

‘Don’t touch me’ Howard barked stepping back away from Vince’s hand as though it was red hot.

Vince blinked in shock and looked at Naboo who lowered his eyes and looked away. Fossil rolled his eyes and continued the conversation but nobody replied. They were all too focused on Howard’s reaction,

‘Don’t touch me’ had always been a private joke between Vince and Howard from the earliest days. Vince was always more tactile and enjoyed touching people as they spoke, getting into their personal space and pushing the boundaries between them. Howard hadn’t enjoyed it at first and had taken to hissing exasperatedly as Vince stroked or petted him in conversation. When the pair had become intimate it became a joke, Vince knew he could touch Howard anytime he wanted but Howard would roll his eyes and whisper ‘Don’t touch me’ under his breath to make Vince giggle…

This wasn’t like that. This time it wasn’t a joke. Howard didn’t want Vince to touch him at all, Vince’s face went pale and he walked quickly back to the hut ignoring Naboos shout to come back and Fossil asking whether he should follow him. Vince sobbed as he ran back to the hut, his blue eyes full of tears and anger as he slammed the door closed behind him, walking over to the table he swept everything off it and onto the floor, grabbing cups and bowls he threw them against the hut wall and slid down the wall until he was sat, his arse on the cold floor and screamed until he felt hoarse. His breath coming in short pants as he pulled his hair and cried;

‘Vince’ Howard whispered from the doorway, looking at the mess covering the hut,

‘What?’ Vince snapped back,

‘I… I don’t know what I can say’ Howard admitted looking down at the floor ‘but I don’t want to go on like this’

Vince sobbed again, his head lowering to rest on his arms which bridged the gap on his knees ‘are you leaving me?’

Howard looked at Vince with an ache in his heart; he didn’t want to leave his little man but he didn’t know how else to deal with the betrayal.

‘Just for a little bit. I can’t be here, but we can still text every day, I just need some time alone’ Howard soothed as gently as he could,

Vince gasped and burst into harder sobs as he watched Howard grab clothes and belongings, pushing them into his bag and turning to leave. Howard turned back and walked to Vince and pressed a chaste kiss on the top of his head before putting something onto the table and leaving the hut. Vince stayed still, he didn’t know how long he stayed frozen on the floor but it had started to get dark when he eventually stood up to get a drink of water. His sobs had calmed slightly as time passed and he stood shakily to his feet walking to the sink and filling a glass with water, downing the full thing and filling another. He walked to the desk and sat down, looking over at the item which Howard had left on the table.

The ring shone in the dim light coming through the window. The metal which had once been a spoon now twisted into a ring which never been taken off Howard’s finger since he received it on his 18th birthday was sitting cold and alone on the wooden desk.

 

* * *

 

**[MSG received: 8.33am] Good morning. I love you. Forgive me – V x**

**[MSG received: 8.49am] I’m sorry – V x**

**[MSG received: 8.57am] I miss you lots – V x**

**[MSG received: 9.02am] I’m having breakfast and I accidently made you a coffee – V x**

**[MSG received: 9.07am] I imagine you’re still asleep… or you’re angry with me. Please reply – V x**

**[MSG received: 9.35am] Ok. You don’t want to talk to me. I’ll leave you alone –V x**

**[MSG received: 9.37am] I love you so much Howard. Please come home. – V x**

**[MSG Sent 9.42am] Good Morning, Think Naboo drugged me and I didn’t wake up until just now – HTJM**

**[MSG received: 9.43am] It’s alright. I was going to play it cool. Also, why do you sign your texts with your full initials? I know who it is! – V x**

**[MSG Sent 9.50am] Yeah you played it really cool. 7 messages and 4 missed calls in under an hour. It just automatically sends my messages like that – HTJM**

**[MSG received: 9.54am] Can’t you change it? I’ve changed mine – IM A PRICK**

**[MSG Sent 9.57am] Why have you changed it to that? Daft sod – VINCE NOIR IS NOT A PRICK**

**[MSG received: 10.02am] I have to go clean out the Gibbon. Text me later? –IM A PRICK**

**[MSG Sent 10.04am] Only if you change your text thing – VINCE NOIR IS NOT A PRICK**

**[MSG received: 10.06am] Better? – ILHM (I love Howard Moon)**

**[MSG sent: 10.08am] Much – ILVN**

Vince worked through the day, checking his phone occasionally but refusing to send anymore texts incase he scared Howard away. The lack of communication was upsetting and frightening, Howard had always been the one who made Vince smile and feel okay about himself. He wasn’t sure he could be ‘normal’ without Howard.

Howard sat around Naboos flat; checking his phone every few minutes between paragraphs of his book. He desperately wanted to rush to the Zoo and grab Vince; pull him into the hut and cuddle him so hard that they became one person. Howard sighed and picked up his guitar and a pad of paper, he decided to write a song about his feelings to try to rationalise them and calm himself down; he remembered how much better he felt after Harrys death once he had written down his feelings in ‘Dreary Town’,

The musician’s fingers moved slowly over the chords, picking the best sounds and making a note as words ran through his mind. He choked back a sob as he began to[ write](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5MpD6b-bkE);

 

_I can't forget it, though I've tried_  
I know you regret it, love,   
you told me so many times.  
  
But I still wonder,  
Why...  
You left with her  
and left me behind  
  
Take your hands off him  
'cause he's the only one that I   
Have ever loved  
and please don't find her skin  
when you turn the lights out  


Howard stopped and sighed; wiping his leaking eyes on the back of his hand as he reached for a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply before letting it back out shakily; his hands struggling to hold the pen as he continued.

  
_I can't erase it_  
from my mind  
I just replay it, over,   
Think of it all the time.  
But I don't want to imagine  
Words you spoke to her that night.  
Naked bodies look like porcelain,  
You both knew I'd be bleeding inside...  
  
Did she make your heart beat faster than I could?  
Did she give you what you hoped for?  
Oh, nights of loveless love, I hope it made you feel good,  
Knowing how much I adored you

 

Howard sobbed; his head in his hands as he cried deep gasping sobs.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First time Howard bottoms with Vince

**[MSG Sent: 05.21am] I hate sleeping alone – ILVN**

**[MSG received: 05.23am] Me too. I miss you so much Howard – ILHM**

**[MSG Sent: 05.31am] Maybe I’ll come home tomorrow - ILVN**

**[MSG received: 05.33am] Yes please. I’ve missed you so much – ILHM**

Howard lay in the darkness of Dalston; his heart pounding as he planned to move back home with his lover. It would be hard and strained for a while, but Howard couldn’t be away from Vince any longer.

Vince was equally awake lying in the cold hut alone, his hands shook as he held his mobile against his chest excited for Howard’s arrival tomorrow. Vince didn’t want to get himself too worked up incase Howard changed his mind, but the younger man was ridiculously excited.

* * *

 

Howard arrived back at the zoo at 8am, unable to keep himself away any longer. He wasn’t sure how he would feel once he saw Vince again; once his heart pounded and his brain conjured up images of Vince thrusting into the woman’s body but he shook away the thoughts and focused on the feel of Vince’s body against his own in a chaste hug. He had missed him so much. Vince smiled widely as Howard opened the hut door and walked through; the younger man attempted to play it cool and give a nonchalant greeting but found himself throwing his body against Howard’s, their chests pressed together tightly as Vince gripped his arms around Howards neck

‘I missed you, I missed you so much, and god Howard I missed you’ Vince chanted, tears streaming down his cheeks as he pressed kisses against Howards cheeks,

Howard smiled and sniffed back the tears threatening to engulf him, he hugged Vince back and carried the man bridal style over to the sofa, sitting himself down and pulling Vince to sit over his knee, his arms still tightly wrapped around his neck.

‘We can make this work’ Howard whispered, and he believed it.

* * *

 

Howard slowly worked his way to trusting Vince again; Vince agreeing to anything Howard suggested including getting retested for STI’s and sleeping on the sofa away from the older man. They slowly worked themselves closer, Vince would sleep on the sofa but lower his hand and Howard would hold it as he fell asleep, his thumb stroking the soft skin until Vince began to snore lightly. Howard’s night terrors reduced in number and ferocity and the two men slowly got to know one another again, spending time together without involving sex made them feel like a new couple again. Vince accompanied Howard to the cinema where the newest foreign films played and Howard went along to Vince’s nightclubs and watched the younger man happily dancing. Howard’s insecurities and jealousy quashed whenever somebody else walked over to dance with Vince and the younger man pointed out his boyfriend at the bar. They were happy again,

Howard had put his ring back on a month into their new courting relationship; he hadn’t got over the nakedness of his hand without the metal loop and watching Vince’s tearful reaction was enough to make him cry too. He pressed the cold metal to his skin and kept it there, refusing to take it off again.

Vince’s results came back clear and Vince left the letter on the table for Howard to look over as he left for his rounds at the zoo. Vince whistled happily as he listened to his Walkman and distributed seed around the zoo, a spring in his step as he giggled at how happy he was.

Howard read the letter and felt his heart flutter; he was waiting for the results before restarting their sexual relationship but he didn’t want to rush into anything. He cleared his mind and began to plan their night together; he collected his money and rushed into town to grab the things he would need.

* * *

 

A few hours later Vince arrived back into the hut, he opened the door and stood with his mouth agape at the change in décor. Howard had been busy whilst he worked; the older man had draped long, colourful swathes of fabrics around the room, covering the cold and dull hut walls with warm colours, the room was practically empty except the large mattress in the middle of the room which was piled with fluffy and comfortable pillows. Candles burned from shelves, the floor and any available surface and the air burned with heady incense; Howard sat in the middle of the bed, his legs crossed Indian style as he looked at his lover in the doorway.

‘I… I wanted to say I’m sorry’ Howard croaked, his eyes already filling with tears as he looked at Vince’s open mouthed stare,

‘Why are you sorry?’ Vince asked confused, stepping into the threshold and locking the door behind him,

‘I realise now I was selfish before… You missed out on a lot of experiences because of me and I wanted to say I’m sorry’

Vince was still confused, a look of frustration plastered onto his face as Howard attempted to explain;

‘Come here’ Howard said, holding out his hand for Vince to grab ‘because of… things from the past… I didn’t allow you to do certain things and it was unfair of me’

Vince was beginning to understand, his cheeks blushing pink in the candlelight,

‘So, tonight, if you wanted to…’ Howard started and then trailed off, his hand shaking nervously as Vince stroked it with his thumb,

Vince kissed his partner deeply; their lips meeting in a soft embrace before deepening into a passionate and desperate dance. Howard wrapped his hands into Vince’s hair as Vince seated himself on Howard’s knee; his thighs wrapped around Howards hips and folded together behind Howards back. The pair kissed, their sobs and groans being swallowed by the other; Vince stroked his hands over Howard’s tear stained cheeks and pressed small kisses onto Howard’s eyelashes and his cheeks,

‘I love you so very much’ Vince whispered,

Howard choked back another sob and nodded his agreement before slowly stripping Vince from his uniform, the younger man stood and stripped quickly watching as Howard also unbuttoned his jeans and his shirt, letting them fall into a pool by his feet before sitting back on the mattress naked, Vince soon re-joined his lover and laid beside him, their noses inches from one another as they kissed again, soft and gentle as they slowly became more and more aroused.

Howard teased his fingers down Vince’s chest and stomach, stopping at all of the sensitive spots on the way; Vince sighed and groaned happily as they moved together, Vince’s fingers tracing the soft skin of Howard’s face, moving the hair away from his forehead with light brushes of his fingers.

‘I want… I want you to make love to me’ Howard whispered to Vince, his eyes filling with unshed tears as he ran his hand up and down Vince’s arm softly,

Vince bit his lip and looked up at Howard with huge, innocent eyes as he replied ‘are you sure?’

Howard nodded; his fingers entwining into Vince’s as he shuffled further down the bed, spreading his legs to allow Vince space to sit. Vince looked down and his breath caught at the realisation that he was about to take Howard, something he had dreamt about for years. He moved himself into position and looked up at Howard whispering ‘I don’t know what to do’,

Howard squeezed Vince’s hand and brought his face down for another long and passionate kiss before moving his mouth to Vince’s ear and softly sighing ‘I’ve already prepared, just go slowly’

Vince nodded again, biting his lower lip before pressing a kiss to Howard’s forehead as he moved to position his cock against the tight entrance of Howard. His hands shook and his stomach fluttered as he felt the heat pressed against his tip;

‘I love you’ Vince sighed softly looking down at Howard,

‘I love you too’ Howard replied before wrapping his arms around Vince’s shoulders, holding him tightly,

Vince pressed inside; inch by inch as Howards tightness gripped him. Howard whimpered slightly and closed his eyes in discomfort, trying to force away the bad memories and concentrate on the join of him and Vince for the first time. Vince noticed and placed a hand against Howard’s cheek, stroking the cheekbones softly and looking intently into Howard’s eyes as he stilled his groin,

‘I’m not going to hurt you’ Vince reassured, his finger tracing over Howard’s lower lip,

Howard sobbed and felt a tear run down his cheek as he nuzzled his head into Vince’s large hard, comforting and familiar despite the strange sensations further down his body. He took a deep breath and rolled his hips, pushing Vince inside him further, deeper and deeper.

Vince groaned and looked down between their two bodies, seeing half of his cock buried inside his lover was too much and he pressed a loving kiss to Howard as he continued moving his cock, pushing in slightly before pulling back out. He watched Howard’s face, ensuring that the older man wasn’t in pain and slowly building a rhythm, allowing Howard to control how deep he thrust. Howard cried out in exquisite pleasure as Vince brushed against his prostate, his eyes closing in bliss as Vince kissed him and pressed against the spot again. Vince was soon buried inside his best friend and lover, deep inside him for the first time ever; the first time the pair had ever made love like this was like an explosion of love and devotion which rippled through the men.

Howard choked out another sigh as Vince slowly pulled himself out and pressed back inside, his hand still cupping Howard’s cheek softly as they maintained eye contact, each lost in one anothers gaze; Ice blue meeting Chocolate brown as they moved and stroked against one another.

‘I… I can’t believe I’m inside you’ Vince choked, a tear dripping from his eye to land on Howard’s throat,

‘I didn’t know’ Howard started, groaning deeply as Vince brushed against his prostate ‘I didn’t know it could be good’

Vince sobbed and kissed Howard deeply, their orgasms building together slowly as they kissed.

‘I love you so much’ Vince cried, tears dropping onto Howard’s chest as they moved against one another, Howard pressed the back of his finger onto Vince’s cheek to wipe away the falling drops before throwing his head back and sighing at the delicious pressure building in his lower stomach,

Soon, the pair were gasping and groaning against one anothers lips; Vince could feel his climax approaching and wanted to get Howard off at the same time, he gripped the untouched cock between their bellies in his long fingers, the leaking precum streaking his fist and Howards stomach as he stroked, his wrist twisting at the tip as he continued his slow deliberate strokes of Howard’s prostate from the inside, his cock swelling and twitching inside his lover,

‘V-Vince… I’m going to— _oh_ ’ Howard cried, his back arching as his orgasm flooded his nerves and rope after rope of heat splashed between their bodies. Vince whimpered as he felt Howard tighten around his cock, milking him of his own orgasm which erupted in a messy and intense peak. Vince groaned deeply and pressed his lips to Howards as he came, flooding Howard’s inside with his load as he whined and trembled.

Howard trembled also; his arms wrapped around Vince’s pale body as he held him close, allowing the younger man to bask in his climax. Vince dropped his head and rested his forehead against Howard’s, a large smile across his face as he cupped Howards cheeks with both hands and placed a sweaty kiss on Howards lips,

‘That was… genius’ Vince smiled his breath still ragged and uneven.

‘It really was’ Howard agreed, helping Vince to remove himself from Howard’s sore hole and flop down beside him on the mattress, Vince climbed into Howard’s arms and lay his head against the older man’s heart, listening to the steady thud of his heartbeat.


	10. Chapter 10

‘How would you feel if we moved away?’ Howard asked Vince quietly during their lunch break. They had become a stronger couple after the indiscretion of Vince’s one night stand and happily sat chatting in the hut,

‘Depends, I’ve never been out of London’ Vince smiled, his eyes flicking up to the moustache which was slowly growing on Howard’s upper lip,

‘We wouldn’t go far, just out of the zoo’ Howard soothed ‘I think it’s evident that Fossil is running it into the ground and I want to leave and just… get out’

Vince nodded; taking another bite of his sandwich and chewing loudly ‘Yeah alright then’

* * *

 

The next day Howard spoke to Naboo about renting the house in Shoreditch, It would be the perfect home for the pair of them. Naboo agreed and set up a quick contract which Howard signed happily and collected the keys to his new lovenest with his lover. He waited a few days before packing up their meagre belongings in their suitcases and collected Vince from his rounds, telling the younger man that he had a surprise.

Vince excitedly skipped beside Howard, grabbing for his hand and then snapping it back incase Howard didn’t want to touch him. Howard silently thanked the younger man for having the insight not to push his ‘Don’t touch me’ rule in public, he still wasn’t confident enough to show public displays of affection and although it hurt him to see the dejected look on Vince’s face he knew it was better for him to back down from the fight.

The couple rounded the corner to a rundown shop on Dalston’s high street; Howard could tell Vince wasn’t impressed with the exterior building but he pressed his hand to Vince’s lower back and moved him forwards towards the front door. Howard unlocked the door and gave Vince a smile before lifting him bridal style and carrying him into the flat, his spine complaining at the surprising weight of Vince in his arms. He kicked the door closed and climbed the stairs carefully, turning onto the top of the stairs so Vince could see the flat.

Howard had left the walls the same colours as Naboo had left them; bright and lurid wall paint in reds and dark blues as well as garish wallpaper covered the entire rooms but Howard had solved this by mounting some of his favourite paintings of Vince’s. Large canvases of strange and fantastical creatures hung around the various rooms, various throws covered the sofas and unlit candles dotted around the room;

Howard cleared his throat and put Vince down, his arm still wrapped around the younger man’s waist;

‘What do you think?’ Howard asked nervously, expecting the worst

‘It… Its genius Howard. Is it ours?’ Vince asked, his eyes wide and twinkling

‘Well, we’re only renting it but Naboo has said we can do whatever we like with it until he decides what he does with the shop below’

Vince nodded and swallowed audibly; turning on his heel he looked up at Howard with tearful eyes ‘it’s perfect’

‘Let’s have a look around’ Howard smiled, taking Vince’s hand and squeezing it kindly before touring him around the small flat. Two bedrooms, one with an en-suite, one bathroom and Kitchen and living room together was more than enough space for the two men who giggled childishly as they walked around.

‘I can’t believe we have our own house’ Vince laughed, his happy goofy smile making Howard’s stomach flip ‘It means I can do this anytime’

‘Do wha-‘Howard started before watching Vince lower himself to his knees and slowly unzip Howard’s trousers as they maintained eye contact. Howard could feel himself stiffening immediately and tangled his fingers affectionately into Vince’s nest of hair, his fingers stroking and pulling on the strands softly as Vince opened his mouth and teased the half hard cock into his lips, sucking deeply he swallowed the entire shaft until his nose rested in the bush of curls. Howard groaned deeply and stayed still, watching Vince move back and gag slightly as the large and now fully erect cock touched his throat. He pulled away and began suckling on the tip alone, his tongue concentrating on the little bundle of nerves beneath the foreskin, his hand wrapped around the base and stroked firmly as he licked and tasted the entire head of Howard’s cock. Vince groaned low, watching Howard tense at the vibrations travelling down his cock,

‘If you keep _–ung_ \- doing that… I’m going to cum’ Howard warned

Vince smiled around his cock and moaned loudly, the vibrations harder and more intense against the sensitive skin of Howard’s shaft. Howard choked out a slight warning before he was coming, flooding Vince’s mouth with spurts of hot salty cum, Vince swallowed easily and cleaned Howard’s cock with his tongue before tucking the softening organ away in Howard’s pants as the older man attempted to get his breath back,

‘Shall i?...’ Howard asked, gesturing crudely at Vince who smiled and shook his head,

‘Tonight. Our first night in our new house’ Vince smiled,

* * *

 

The night came quickly; Howard and Vince had busied themselves in unpacking their few possessions and calling for takeaway as Howard hadn’t stocked the empty kitchen with groceries yet. The two men sat on the sofa eating the greasy Chinese food from their knees, their eyes drawn to the flickering light of the TV but neither really watching as they sat in comfortable silence together.

‘It’s weird’ Vince started, looking over at Howard,

‘What is?’ Howard replied with a furrowed brow,

‘I can’t hear the animals… usually they’re talking to me all night or shouting for millet but I can’t hear them. It sounds so quiet here’ Vince whispered, his voice full of emotion ‘I miss them’

Howard grasped for Vince’s hand, pulling it up to his lips to place a soft kiss on the back of the younger man’s hand ‘You’ll get used to it. We can always visit the Zoo’

Vince bit his lower lip and nodded slowly ‘Yeh and it’ll be genius Howard! I can tell them about the new flat! They’ll be dead jealous’

Howard smiled at Vince’s sudden excited burst of enthusiasm and went back to his food, his stomach fizzing slightly at the thought of sex with Vince in a place they could finally call home. Their home.

An hour later and the flat was shrouded in darkness, Vince had wandered around the flat after putting the plates into the sink and lit the candles which were scattered around the room. His shadow flickered against the walls as Howard watched him move gracefully around, his fingers clutching the matches carefully as he tilted the wax candles to light them.

Vince took his seat beside Howard and cuddled up beside his lover; he curled his legs under his bum and pressed his cheek into the comfortable spot between Howard’s chest and shoulder. One hand clutched between his thighs whilst the other stroked small circles over Howard’s slight paunch of a belly. Vince had joked that Howard had put on weight but deep down, he was glad; he still remembered the small, skinny and unhealthy boy with the saddest eyes and he was relieved to see Howard looking _normal,_

Howard seemed to be able to read this thoughts as he pressed a kiss to the top of Vince’s head; smelling the lingering scent of shampoo, hairspray and something lemony,

‘Stop thinking’ Howard chided moving his fingers to grip Vince’s chin and pull him up to meet his gaze ‘I’m happy’

Vince sniffed slightly; his eyes filling with unshed tears as he whispered in a broken voice ‘I almost lost you’

Howard grabbed Vince tightly, pulling him close to his chest as he hugged him in an almost bone crushing embrace ‘It’s over. It’s the past, this is our future now’

Vince nodded and allowed his forehead to rest against Howard’s as they breathed in one anothers exhaled breaths ‘I would never have forgiven myself, and I will constantly try to make it up to you’

Howard stroked Vince’s hair away from his face, tucking it behind his ear as he looked into the watery blue eyes of his one and only love. Their lips pressed against one another softly, a ghost of a kiss before both men gave into the temptation and passionately embraced. Their lips meeting slowly but with every unspoken vow and promise rushing through their blood, every unsaid endearment flooding their breath,

‘Take me to bed’ Vince sighed, his eyes blown wide with lust as he trailed kisses from beneath Howards ear down to his collarbone, partially covered by the older man’s shirt

Howard nodded and grabbed Vince’s bum, holding tightly as he stood shakily to his feet and allowed Vince to wrap his legs around his hips as Howard walked them to their shared bedroom for the first time.

‘This is the second time I’ve carried you today’ Howard whined playfully ‘don’t get used to it’

‘I’ll buy a saddle. I’ll ride you around the flat’ Vince smiled before blushing at the innuendo,

Howard quirked an eyebrow and winked licentiously before walking to the edge of the bed and lowering Vince to the bed softly; Vince watched as Howard slowly began undressing, his clothing falling forgotten to the floor until Howard stood naked.

‘Don’t just stare at me you plum’ Howard blushed, his hands moving to cover his crotch in embarrassment.

‘Don’t’ Vince shouted slightly shrill ‘Don’t move’

Howard stood confused for a moment, looking around for imminent danger before he realised that Vince was staring at him, at his body.

‘You’re so fucking beautiful’ Vince gasped ‘I just… Can’t believe you’re mine’

Howard blushed crimson and attempted to make a witty comment but Vince’s lips covered his own, their teeth crashing against one another as Vince pulled him in for a ferocious kiss, his hands moving to grab at Howard’s insanely shapely arse. Howard groaned low in his throat and began unbuttoning the unreasonably tight trousers which Vince insisted on wearing; his fingers shook as he lowered the bottoms to the floor, followed quickly by the younger man’s underwear and finally his shirt. The pair had to stop kissing to allow the shirt to come over the hairy head of Vince and a small whine escaped Vince as he was forced to stop kissing, once the shirt was off, his lips moved back to snog and nip at Howard’s lower lip,

The pair moving backwards until Vince’s calves hit the bed, the younger man sat down and pulled his hands around Howard’s neck to bring him down to lay on top. Howard complied and lowered himself carefully positioning himself so that they were chest to chest, thigh to thigh, their cocks lining up perfectly as Howard began slowly grinding his hips in circles, watching enraptured as Vince allowed his head to fall back and show his long, pale neck to Howard. Howard happily moved his lips to kiss and caress the soft skin, nipping and leaving small red marks with his teeth and listening to Vince sigh beneath him.

‘I don’t… I don’t want to cum like this’ Vince whispered, his cheeks already pink and glowing with arousal,

‘How do you want to cum?’ Howard asked gently,

‘Inside you… If I can’ Vince whispered, his lust blown pupils meeting Howards own.

‘I haven’t… prepared’ Howard nervously added, his erection waning slightly at the thought of ruining their first night in their own flat.

‘I don’t care about any of that. I want to feel like we did last time. I’ve never felt so amazing’ Vince admitted, biting his lower lip.

Howard nodded and moved his lips to suck on Vince’s earlobe ‘Two seconds’

Vince nodded in reply and sighed at the feeling of Howard removing his warm body from Vince’s, leaving him exposed and cold in the bedroom ‘Hurry up! I need my big Northern teddy bear. I’m titting freezing here!’ Vince laughed

Howard quickly popped to the bathroom, giving himself a quick clean over and mental pep talk in the mirror before returning to the bedroom. He watched silently as Vince busied himself by fishing out the lubricant from the bedside table and squeezing the tube childishly, enjoying the sensations of squishing.

Howard moved to his spot on the bed ( _they had decided that Howard had to sleep on the right, Vince on the left. Apparently this was the natural order of things)_ and turned to kiss Vince softly again, noticing his hands trembled slightly as Vince pressed his fingers into the hair at the side of Howard’s head softly, twirling the strands gently whilst kissing.

‘Okay, I’m ready’ Howard sighed, taking a deep breath in and gripping the bed sheets tightly in his fingers.

‘Howard. Howard look at me, I’m not doing anything whilst you’re like that! You’re all tense, you’re like a brandy snap’ Vince smiled, his hand running down Howards chest until his fingers touched over the sensitive buds of Howard’s nipples ‘Just relax’

Howard tried, his fingers releasing the bedding from his death grip but his muscles still tense. Vince began kissing down the pale skin, his lips finding and focussing on the pulse point on Howard’s throat, sucking a purple mark into the skin before moving further down, his lips kissing and his tongue lapping at the slightly soap tasting flesh. He reached Howard’s cock and avoided it completely, moving to kiss down hair covered thighs, over his knees and down to his feet before moving back up to wrap his lips unexpectedly around Howard’s cock. The older man trembled beneath Vince’s talented lips as he sucked and moved his head back and forth in a steady rhythm, feeling Howard relax with each passing second.

‘Can I try?’ Vince asked carefully, watching Howard nod nervously

Vince grabbed the tube of lubricant from beside Howard and spread it over his fingers carefully, warming the gel as he moved himself between Howard’s thighs, moving them apart to reach the hidden entrance.

His finger traced over the rim; watching Howard for any sign of discomfort and finding none he softly pressed forward, breaching the tight ring of muscle and slowly working his way inside the warm tunnel until he was completely sheathed. Howard grimaced but relaxed as Vince stilled his finger to allow Howard to adapt to the sensations, gently and lovingly Vince pressed forward and back, his finger curling to find the sensitive bundle of nerves inside Howard and watching with a smile as Howard arched his back and sighed happily at the pleasurable rush flooding his body. Vince pressed another finger in, followed by a third until Howard was panting and writhing beneath him, his untouched cock dripping a pool onto his lower stomach as Vince’s talented fingers stretched and opened him wide;

‘Are you ready?’ Vince asked nervously, his teeth worrying his lower lip as he peaked at Howard through his raven fringe. Howard nodded and took another deep breath, calming himself.

Vince slicked his length efficiently and moved to a better position; his weight resting on his forearms either side of Howard’s chest, the two men stilled and kissed, enjoying the lazy content feelings rushing through their bodies as they savoured the closeness in their embrace. Vince pressed forward slowly, breaching Howard with the tip of his cock and gasping at the tight warmth which enveloped his head. Howard tensed and then allowed himself to relax _I’m safe, it’s Vince, It’s okay_ his mind reminded him, his hips slowly grinding against Vince’s to press the younger man further inside.

The two men worked together until Vince was fully sheathed inside his lover; Vince stilled his hips when he was fully inside Howard and kissed Howard’s panting lips, trailing butterfly kisses across Howard’s cheek and forehead until Howard nodded that he was ready, wrapping his arms around Vince’s neck and pulling him down for another deep and passionate kiss, their tongues brushing against one another as they built a slow and delicate rhythm.

Vince ground his hips seeking Howard’s prostate and smiling when Howard groaned deep into Vince’s mouth. A splash of precum landed between their bodies causing them both to look down at the join of their bodies with a smile, Vince tangled his hands into Howard’s hair and stroked it softly as they gazed in wonder in one anothers eyes; their love perfect and complete. Howard was moaning now, his eyes rolling back in his head each time Vince pressed his tip against Howard’s special spot, Vince snapped his hips harder, faster and deeper, moaning deeply against Howard’s lips; they were no longer kissing, just breathing in one anothers exhaling breaths as they chased their release.

‘T-Touch yourself’ Vince mumbled, his eyes clouded with need and lust

Howard snaked a hand between their bodies; Vince’s hairy stomach rubbing against his hand sent another shiver of pleasure up his spine as he gripped his cock tightly and tugged. Massaging the head he slowly pulled back his foreskin and groaned deeply at the sensations flooding his body,

‘C-C-Close’ Howard spluttered

‘God, me too’ Vince replied, his hips moving erratically, desperately attempting to hold back his climax until Howard finished,

He didn’t have to wait long; Howard groaned Vince’s name before tensing his body as he spilled his load between their bodies, warm wetness slicking up their stomachs as Howard continued shooting ropes of cum, his eyes closed and his lips open in an ‘O’ of pure bliss,

‘Oh Howard, Oh god’ Vince chanted, his voice sounding strained as he made one final thrust before his own climax washed over him and filled Howard with his warmth.

The two men lay trembling in one anothers arms; the only sound being their soft pants and sloppy kisses as they snuggled and eskimo kissed happily. Vince carefully pulled his softening cock from inside Howard and flopped down beside his lover, resting his head on Howard’s shoulder he threw his leg over Howard’s own and playfully began running his fingers through the creamy cum which was drying in streaks over Howard’s pale skin.

‘I love you Oward’ Vince said sleepily, his big blue eyes looking up to meet Howards,

‘And I love you too’ Howard replied, kissing Vince on the forehead before reaching for his t-shirt and wiping away the mess on his stomach. Vince pulled up the blanket and the pair snuggled in the warmth listening to the noisy traffic passing below the window outside.

* * *

 

Vince awoke late the next afternoon; he checked Howard’s alarm clock and saw it was past 1pm. He frowned as he stretched and wrapped himself in Howard’s large cord dressing gown, enjoying the sensation of being cocooned in Howard’s smell. He padded along to the kitchen and clicked on the kettle, looking around the room for signs of his lover, he found a note on the table which simply read;

**_Gone to Tesco. Shouldn’t be long, Didn’t want to wake you as you looked so beautiful_ **

**_H x_ **

Vince tutted dramatically and rolled his eyes before walking to make a cup of coffee; once that was steaming in his favourite mug he plonked himself down on the sofa and switched on the TV, enjoying the rich taste of coffee and children’s cartoons.

Howard had awoken hours before; he regretted not going to the toilet before falling asleep as his bladder felt like it may explode, he rushed to the bathroom and saw to his needs before walking back to the bedroom. Vince lay on his side, his raven fringe spread out over his pointy features as he sucked his thumb childishly. Howard smiled and checked the alarm before grabbing his clothes quietly and slipping into the living room;

He needed to run a few errands and do some grocery shopping and as much as he loved spending time with Vince, he hated having to do food shopping with the man. Vince got more excited than a small child and often ran around the shop looking for a certain type of biscuit or insisting that he needed one particular root of Ginger as it looked exactly like a hand. Howard smiled at the memory of the cashier’s reaction as Vince offered the ginger as his hand, watching the coins slip through the rooty fingers. Howard dressed quickly and picked up the letter he had been meaning to send, a piece of paper and a pen; he wrote a quick note for Vince and left it on the table where Vince would see it easily before turning the letter over and over in his hand.

It was the remainder of his wages from the Zoo; he traced his fingers over the address written on the front in his own scribbled handwriting. His old address, the Yorkshire one he had ran away from so many years ago. His mother’s name written at the top;

He wondered if she used the money, whether she kept it for herself or gave it to dad. Dad would spend it on booze or gambling, or maybe he would just refuse to spend Howard’s hard earned money insisting he didn’t want a faggots money. Howard sighed deeply, his heart heavy with sadness as he scribbled his new address on the back of the envelope and attached a stamp to the corner before tucking it into his coat pocket and grabbing the house keys, closing the front door quietly as he set off for the post box.

He posted the letter, picked up the correct forms for council tax payments and walked aimlessly around Tesco’s, grabbing food and drink from the shelves and putting them into the trolley as he wandered around the supermarket. He felt a little happier as he whistled along to the cheery tune playing over the radio and by the time he left the store, laden down with carrier bags and £60 worse off he was smiling brightly at passers-by and tipping the taxi driver who dropped him off at the flat handsomely with a wave.

Howard struggled through the door and up the stairs, looking at the nest of black curls which suddenly bobbed from the back of the sofa as Vince turned to look at Howard, jumping off the sofa the younger man came to Howards aid; Howard smiled and gave his lover a kiss on the cheek noting that he was only wearing Howard’s dressing gown which was impossibly large on the small frame.

‘You relax, I’ll put these away’ Vince suggested with a goofy smile ‘Cup of tea?’

Howard narrowed his eyes and looked at Vince suspiciously ‘Why are you doing nice things? Am I dying?’ he joked,

Vince smiled and nudged Howard in the ribs as he began carrying the bags to the Kitchen and opening cupboards and the fridge ‘Just wanted to be helpful’ the younger man shrugged,

‘That would be nice, thank you Vince’ Howard replied, walking over to his boyfriend and grasping his pointed chin and pulling him up for a deep and lingering kiss,


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweetness followed by not so sweetness

That night the men cooked a simple spaghetti Bolognese and sat at the table eating as music tinkled in the background. The flat was darkened; lit only by various candles and a small lamp in the corner of the room. It gave the flat an intimate and loving feel,

Vince noticed that Howard was jittery tonight; almost on edge and nervous. He spread his fingers onto the table and took hold of his hand softly, squeezing gently as he looked over at his boyfriend,

‘What’s the matter?’ Vince asked sincerely, biting his lip nervously

‘Vince I-‘Howard started before clearing his throat and looking away ‘I erm… you know I’m not good at this talking stuff’

Vince nodded and rubbed his thumb over the soft skin of Howard’s hand,

‘Before… before we met. I was so lost and alone, I didn’t know if I could be a good person’ Howard whispered, emotion blocking his throat ‘After Harry, after the death and then what happened…’

Vince’s heart was thumping in his chest, his mind whirring with confusing thoughts and feelings as he listened to Howard spill his guts,

‘I felt broken, unwanted and wrong… then I met you’ Howard brightened, a grin creating the smile lines around his eyes ‘and you put colour back into my life, you made everything ok and made me believe that good people still exist. You didn’t want anything in return but friendship and openness and I couldn’t believe that I had found you. I still sometimes can’t believe you are real, it’s like you’re a faun from a storybook who has come to protect the damaged princess’

Vince sniggered and looked at Howard with tearful eyes ‘you’re the princess yeh?’

‘Shut it’ Howard chuckled ‘maybe that was the wrong term to use’

The two men giggled happily and continued to hold hands as Howard attempted to continue ‘what I meant to say was that you’re my everything. You are every star in the sky, every blade of grass and every molecule of Oxygen that I breathe…’

Vince gasped as Howard began to softly cry; his tears creating tracks over his cheeks as he finally looked up at Vince and whispered,

‘I love you so much Vince Noir… Will you marry me?’

Vince’s eyes lit up as Howards other hand lifted a small ring box onto the table; a simple gold band stood proudly, gleaming in the candlelight as Vince gasped in shock and awe.

‘H-Howard… I mean… OF COURSE I’LL MARRY YOU!’ Vince shouted happily, throwing himself over the dinner table and ignoring the mess he had created to press his lips against Howard’s. Howard made a startled ‘oomfh’ noise before kissing Vince back and pulling the ring from its box, and holding it between thumb and finger,

‘It has an engraving’ He said softly, watching Vince look at the band between his fingers

_You’ve got a friend_

Vince looked puzzled and looked at Howard with confusion; Howard smiled and shook his head ‘It was something you said to me the day you took me home. You probably don’t even remember saying it, but it stuck with me as the nicest thing anybody had ever said… I wanted you to remember it always’

Vince sniffed and wiped away a tear threatening to fall down his cheek as he stroked Howard’s soft skin ‘I love you’

* * *

 

The pair left the table in a hurry, grabbing the blanket from the back of the sofa Howard lay it on the carpet and lowered Vince to the floor, kissing him passionately as they undressed slowly, the flickering candle light giving them strange elongated shadows as they bared themselves. Vince gasped and moaned as Howard kissed down his chest and over his strong jaw, long luxurious licks of his tongue met the end of day stubble on Vince’s cheek as he gazed down at his fiancé,

When the two were naked Howard lay himself down beside Vince, pressing his hand to Vince’s cheek as he pressed his tongue inside his lips, a slow and sensual caress, tasting the food and drink on his breath briefly before kissing down his chest, until he reached the hardness between Vince’s legs. Howard looked up at Vince and asked him to turn over on all fours, watching Vince hesitate and bite his lower lip;

Howard stroked the back of Vince’s thighs as the younger man turned over and lowered his head to his arms as he stuck his arse into the air, embarrassed at the immodest position. They had done this a few times but it wasn’t a regular occurrence regardless of Vince’s love of giving and receiving the pleasure. Howard kissed over the fleshy arse cheeks until he parted them and puffed a breath of warm air over the exposed hole, causing Vince to twitch and gasp loudly. Howard smiled at the sound and used his fingers to trace over the puckered skin, rubbing his digits in small circles until he felt Vince relax,

The older man ran his tongue from the top to bottom of Vince’s arse, feeling the hole flutter under his tongue as he passed over it, moving back into position and concentrating on opening the entrance with his tongue, he lapped and caressed softly with his tongue before pointing the muscle and pressing it inside Vince’s tightness, listening for Vince’s intense moan of pleasure Howard smiled and continued. He changed the shape of his tongue and moved around the area, teasing playfully until Vince juddered and swore under his breath at the sensations and the urge to press himself back onto Howard’s tongue.

When Howard believed Vince was comfortable enough, he slowly removed his face and reached beside the sofa cushion, bringing out the tube of lubricant they kept in the living room for such times. Vince chuckled softly as he heard Howard click open the lid of the lube and begin to drizzle it over his fingers; pressing one long, callused finger inside Vince and opening his tightness around the thick digit. Vince keened and grabbed the blanket tightly, gasping as sparks exploded behind his eyes at the touch of his prostate, Howard smiled and continued stroking until he was able to fit another inside, then finally the third. Vince was fully prepared and open for Howard but Howard liked to check with the younger man to ensure he was ready;

‘Feel ok?’ Howard asked quietly, watching Vince nod his head excitedly and move his hand behind to grip his long neglected cock which dripped constantly from between his legs.

Howard slicked up his cock and slowly pressed inside his lover, pausing every few inches to ensure that Vince was comfortable and not in pain before thrusting until Vince’s heat enveloped his cock. Howard hissed as the warmth and grip of Vince’s insides threatened to make him cum immediately but he held back, once the urge passed he began a slow rhythm, thrusting inside before pulling out gently, building their orgasms together. Vince was sighing and gasping with each sweep of his prostate, his cock leaking profusely onto the blanket covering the floor, his fists tangled into the fabric as his eyes closed tightly with lust.

‘H-Howard’ Vince stammered, his voice refusing to work ‘L-Let me on top’

Howard growled deeply and nodded, pulling himself out of the tightness and lying down on the blanket, watching Vince nimbly climb to straddle his hips. Vince smiled and grabbed for Howards hand, entwining their fingers as he stared at the sparkly gold band which now flashed in the candle light. Both men silenced for a moment before kissing, a long and passionate kiss whilst Vince used his other hand to stand Howard’s cock up to press against his entrance; Vince held his breath as he slowly lowered himself over Howard’s considerable length, feeling the slight burn of him stretching around the steel like hardness until he was seated against Howards legs. The urge to rock building in his lower stomach, Vince held Howard’s hand tightly as they kissed and began a rhythm, rocking and thrusting together until they created the perfect friction, bringing themselves closer and closer to the elusive shared orgasm,

‘I’ve only ever wanted you’ Vince whispered to the panting body below him ‘only you’

The two lovers gazed at one another as they continued to make love; Howard choked out a warning before grabbing Vince’s cock and rubbing it vigorously, flicking his wrist at the tip the way he knew would drive Vince over the edge. Vince tightened around Howard’s cock and the men were coming together, Howard driving himself inside Vince one last time before spilling inside the warmth of Vince’s body, Vince twitched and keened loudly as he began to climax over Howard’s stomach, soaking him with long ropes of cum until both men fell exhausted beside one another. Howard pressing a kiss to Vince’s forehead as they lay in silence.

An hour later the men were still lying together, sticky and sated. Vince looked over at Howard with a smile ‘we should get up, don’t want you seizing up on me’ he laughed and began to stand,

‘Shower then bed?’ Howard suggested, happy when Vince nodded and followed obediently to their bedroom.

* * *

 

The knocking woke Vince; he groaned deeply and turned over to see a note on Howard’s pillow simply saying;

**_Popped to the shops, won’t be long_ **

Vince grumbled and threw the pillow over his head; swearing under his breath ‘If this is Howard forgetting his keys, I’m going to kill him’. Vince pulled on Howard’s favourite angry nutmeg dressing gown on and tied it tightly before walking towards the loud knocking.

‘Alright, I’m coming yeh’ Vince shouted angrily ‘give me a pissing second’

He reached the bottom of the stairs and grabbed the keys from the table, unlocking the door and flinging it open;

‘Yeh?’ He asked tensely looking at the stranger in front of him,

‘Oh, I’m erm… sorry’ the woman said nervously looking at the pavement ‘I was looking for somebody different’

Vince looked over the woman suspiciously; he didn’t recognise her but something told him he knew her,

‘Who are you looking for exactly?’ Vince asked

‘Howard Moon’ the stranger replied shakily ‘I’m his mother’

* * *

 

Howard was on his way back from the supermarket after picking up a selection of sweets and snacks along with his tobacco and a newspaper. He smiled happily and swung the bag side to side as he walked, whistling a cheery tune and smiling at passers-by. He reached the flat and put his key in the door and frowned when it was already unlocked, he checked his watch and noticed it was only 10am, too early for Vince to be awake. A panic attack bubbled in his stomach that they had been burgled but he quickly pushed it away; he opened the door and walked in cheerily calling Vince’s name and hearing his fiancé reply tensely. He realised why when he reached the top of the stairs.

In his chair sat a woman he knew; her hair had grown longer and was peppered with more grey and she had more wrinkles than when Howard had last seen her but he recognised his mother immediately. He froze and looked at his mother and then at Vince, panic rising once more along with bile in his stomach.

‘Hello son’ his mother smiled, her smile looking genuine.

‘Don’t call me that’ Howard spat, his hands trembling nervously ‘you have no right’

His mother tensed and looked up with hurt in her eyes, ‘I know I didn’t do the best job in the world’ she started before being cut off by Howard’s angry words,

‘Why are you here?’

She inhaled deeply and looked down at her hands, turning her wedding ring around and around on her finger ‘It’s your father… He’s… well he’s dying’ she said ‘and I thought you would want to know’

Vince paled and looked at his fiancé; trying to read the vacant look on Howard’s face,

‘He died a long time ago for me’ Howard said sadly ‘I don’t care’

Tears fell from his mother’s eyes as she attempted to take a sip of her sugary tea ‘I know your father wasn’t ideal… we could have done more for you son… sorry, Howard, but you have to understand that your father has very old fashioned views of the world’

Vince found himself speaking, his anger bubbling up to the surface as he faced off at his future mother in law ‘How fucking _dare you_ , How dare you coming in our house and attempt to justify the fucking abuse you dished out to him! You have no fucking idea of what he went through you evil bitch’ Howard hissed in a breath as he watched Vince stalk around the living room, angrier than he had ever seen him ‘you have absolutely no idea of the things that he’s had to do. How he survived’

Mrs Moon was immobile with shock at Vince’s words; shame burned her inside as she looked at Howard’s worn and exhausted face. She had always wondered what happened to her only child but her love for her husband _despite his faults_ was overwhelming.

‘How is he dying?’ Howard asked quietly

‘Cancer, spreading through his body. He doesn’t have long left’ She cried, her emotions finally spilling over,

‘And why did you come all of the way down here? Want me to pay for the funeral? Come to his bedside and cry, tell him I forgive him for being a drunken, homophobic arsehole?’ Howard asked, unaware of Vince walking to his side and entwining their fingers together,

‘I don’t… I just… I wanted to see you’ she stammered,

‘Your husband is dying and you know you’re going to end up sad and alone when he’s gone so you wanted to come and try to make up with your child. The child who despite absolutely everything you have done to him still sends you money each month’ Vince spat watching Mrs Moon wince.

‘I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have come here’ She cried ‘Howard, I’m sorry, I love you’

‘Get the fuck out of my house’ Howard screamed angrily, walking towards the living room table and throwing it across the room, spilling hot tea over the carpet and walls as he screamed and threw furniture around ‘get out, get out!’

Vince followed Mrs Moon down the stairs and opened the door for her; stopping her before she could run down the high street with a hand on her shoulder ‘I don’t know if I can or even if I should… but I’ll talk to him. How long are you in London?’ he asked

‘Staying in a hotel tonight and tomorrow’ she answered shakily before giving Vince the address and fleeing from the angry crashes which still pounded from the living room.

* * *

 

Vince went back upstairs and rushed to grab Howard, pulling him to his chest and down to the floor as Howard collapsed in desperate sobs, his agonised wailing bouncing from the walls as Vince cuddled him tightly chanting ‘I’ve got you, I’ve got you Howard’

Eventually Howard had cried himself hoarse; his throat parched and sore and his eyes red from tears he looked up at Vince’s concerned face. The younger man had curled his arms around his fiancé and was rocking him back and forth softly, gently soothing him as best he could,

‘I. Shouldn’t. Have. Said. That’ Howard cried, each word interrupted by a quick gasp as he attempted to get air into his lungs,

‘You said what you needed to say, as did i. You can’t be blamed for being angry’ Vince soothed, kissing Howard’s sweaty forehead. His bum and legs were numb but he didn’t want to move Howard.

‘V-Vince’ Howard sniffed, Vince looked down and met Howards gaze ‘my arse is numb… can we move?’

Vince chuckled and exhaled before adding ‘god, I’m so glad you asked’ before standing on shaky legs, feeling the pins and needles rush through his veins as he helped Howard to his feet.

‘Want me to run you a bath? Vince asked sweetly watching as Howard nodded and looked around the room,

‘I made such a mess… I’m sorry Vince’ Howard sighed, moving to begin picking up the broken cups littering the floor.

‘Don’t worry about it. I’ll sort it, let’s get you in the bath’

* * *

 

Vince ran the bath exactly how Howard liked it and added some of his own bubble mixture to the water, swooshing the water around to release the pleasant fruity aroma. He grabbed the fluffy towel from the cupboard and placed it over the radiator to keep it warm whilst Howard bathed and then shouted his lover in; Howard smiled and began to coyly get undressed. Kicking his clothes outside the door Vince helped Howard stand in the bathtub and looked over his fiancé’s body,

The scars from Howard’s previous self-harm habit crossed the fair skin of Howard’s arms, shoulders and thighs. Long deep cuts were next to small thin slices and Vince ran his fingers over a particularly deep one on Howard’s arm,

‘You’re not going to do anything silly are you?’ Vince asked, biting his lower lip and looking up at Howard through his fringe ‘Want me to stay with you?’

Howard shook his head ‘No, I won’t do anything silly’ he smiled ‘I promise’

‘I love you Howard’ Vince said, cupping Howard’s face with his still damp hand and placing a small kiss on the corner of Howard’s lip,

‘Love you too’ Howard smiled before sitting in the warm water, the heat calming his frayed nerves. Vince checked a final time that Howard would be okay before walking into the living room to tidy away the mess.

* * *

 

Order had been restored in the living room as Howard padded into the doorway, he was barefoot and topless, after throwing on a pair of novelty lounging pants that Vince had bought him with trumpets on he rubbed the towel over his hair drying it quickly before sitting on the sofa.

‘Can we watch a film?’ Howard asked ‘I don’t really feel like doing anything else’

‘Sure, what do you fancy?’ Vince asked non-committedly

‘Something ridiculous’ Howard smiled ‘Something I don’t have to think about’

They decided on Who Framed Roger Rabbit and sat giggling together at the antics of the silly rabbit. Vince had curled up against one arm and pulled Howard’s head down to rest on his lap as he stroked and caressed the still damp hair. Howard stayed silent for the entire film, seemingly lost in thought as he watched the colourful shapes on the TV.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning: Suicide attempt*

Howard paced outside the hotel; his body tight with nervous energy as he thought about what he wanted to say. Vince had talked him into coming for a meeting with his mother to clear the air and release all of his pent up anger towards his upbringing but Vince had said that he wouldn’t come. He didn’t want to be involved in this meeting and instead offered to wait in a local coffee shop for when Howard would return. The pair had kissed at home passionately and then gone their separate ways; Vince’s stomach aching with anxiety,

Howard walked into the reception and towards the elevator bank, pressing the correct floor he waited as the lift took him up to the floor and then walked towards the number which Vince had assured him was where his mother was staying. Howard froze outside and exhaled shakily before knocking loudly and waiting for the shuffling of feet to reach the lock and open it to him,

His mother smiled and opened the door wide enough for Howard to slip inside; his mother looked at him with red and swollen eyes, her tongue flicking out to lick her lower lip as she waited for the angry shouting to begin.

‘Shall I make coffee?’ Howard asked, watching his mum nod and sit on the edge of the bed.

Howard made drinks and took a seat opposite his mother in the rickety chair which had been left against a wall. He gripped his mug tightly and took a sip of the burning liquid as he thought about how to start the conversation;

‘Why did you really come here?’ Howard finally asked with a sigh,

‘Because of your dad’ Mrs Moon replied sadly ‘He really is unwell’

Howard nodded and looked away ‘Did he ever ask about me?’

His mother shuffled awkwardly on the bed, her gaze never fixing on Howards,

‘Tell me’ Howard insisted,

‘When you first left he walked around asking people if they had seen you, once he knew about Harry leaving too… he stopped’ She whispered ‘He said that you had probably ran off together somewhere faggo- I mean gay friendly’

Howard laughed mirthlessly and shook his head; ‘oh yeh, really gay friendly’ he scoffed,

‘Where is Harry? Do you speak to him anymore?’ Mrs Moon asked kindly,

‘He died, not long after we got here’ Howard replied ‘He killed himself after I refused to sell Grandad’s watch’

Mrs Moon shook her head sadly and looked at Howard ‘How did you survive?’

Howard took another drink and lowered his gaze to the floor ‘I just did’

‘And Vince?’ she asked carefully ‘he seems nice’

‘He’s the best and greatest thing that has ever happened to me’ Howard answered truthfully ‘We’re going to get married’

Mrs Moon flinched but quickly covered herself with a shaky smile at her only child.

‘Your reaction has just confirmed everything I needed to know. Go back to dad, never come back here’ Howard sighed putting his drink down and looking at his mother sadly,

‘Howard’ his mother started before being cut off by Howard,

‘Did you ever love me?’ Howard asked in little more than a whisper, hurt rushing through his veins.

Mrs Moon looked at her son, her only child, the person she had brought into the world and promised to love forever ‘I’ll always love you. I just don’t like what you have become’

‘What I’ve become?’ Howard spat ‘I’ve become what you made me’

He walked to the door and rested his head against the cold wood before turning around and leaving his mother standing in the cheap hotel room; Howard blinked back the tears as he walked away from the room, out of the hotel and down the high street until collapsing in a sobbing heap down an alleyway.

* * *

 

Vince sat in the coffee shop; he pulled out his mobile and checked that it hadn’t gone off in the 30 seconds since he last checked. Howard was much later than he had expected and Vince was on his third cup of Coffee making him feel jittery and restless. He stood up and sent a quick text to Howard to let him know that he was going back to the flat and would meet him there before pulling up the hood of his jacket and walking through the rain towards home.

* * *

 

Something was wrong; horribly wrong.

Vince pushed open the door to the flat and looked up the stairs; the lights were on but it was silent, not a noise in the house. Vince felt the first stirrings of panic in his lower stomach as he began to climb the stairs, his legs feeling shaky as he expected to find a burglar.

Vince walked past the kitchen table; placing his coat over the chair and walked along the sofa checking for anything suspicious and finding nothing. He opened the bedroom door and poked his head in and found nothing unusual there either, he was beginning to smile at his own silliness for leaving the lights on before he left the house before his nose picked up an iron smell. He recognised the smell from the numerous times he had cleaned up after Howard’s self-harm sessions, helping him stem the bleeding rushing from deep slices on his arms or legs. Vince lowered his head and breathed deeply before pushing open the bathroom door.

* * *

 

Howard had rushed home and closed himself in the flat; he turned on the lights to fight against the inky darkness surrounding him and walked up the stairs. He threw himself down on the kitchen chair and rested his arms and head against the table; sobbing and crying with complete devastation. He absently scratched at his scarred skin and looked up, aware of what he needed.

He grabbed for a pen and piece of paper; checking his phone he noticed a text from Vince but he didn’t read it. Instead, he began writing.

When he had finished his note, he walked to the bathroom and sat himself down with his back against the cold plastic of the bath. He pulled the razor from its sheath and looked at the shining metal under the glare of the harsh bathroom lights; he rolled up his shirts until they were above his elbows and looked up at the door. With one soft ‘ _goodnight love’_ he quickly pressed the blade to his wrist and pulled, hissing at the pain as he swapped hands and did the other one.

* * *

 

Vince pulled open the door and found Howard slumped against the bath, his hair sweaty and stuck to his scarily pale face; Vince screamed and grabbed Howard pulling him closer onto his chest as he gripped the still bleeding wrists in his hands. Blood covered both men but Vince wasn’t even aware of the wet warmth covering him, instead he was too busy trying to make Howard open his eyes. Screaming at the older man to wake up as he reached down for his mobile and awkwardly typed in the numbers 9-9-9 with blood slicked hands; he gave the address and situation to the person who answered before dropping the phone to the floor and pulling Howard tight, rocking him softly in his arms and whispering soft words of love and devotion into the unconscious man’s ear.

The paramedics arrived swiftly and took over the scene; pulling Vince away from Howard and into the living room so they could have more space to work. They put Howard on the stretcher and began wheeling him into the ambulance, grabbing Vince on the way to travel with them.

Vince grabbed his keys and followed the green suited paramedics into the ambulance, climbing into the back and watching as the doctor began injecting large needles into Howard’s scarred arms. Vince sat in fascinated silence as the doctor wrapped white bandages around Howard before they immediately turned a dark pink colour.

* * *

 

Naboo arrived in A&E and demanded to see Vince who was sitting alone in a sterile family room, gingerly drinking weak tea as he waited for news. The nurse allowed Naboo into the room and the young Shaman immediately grabbed Vince into a bear hug, letting Vince’s tears run into his hair and onto his tunic as he sobbed.

‘How is he?’ Naboo asked softly

‘Stable. They said he’s lost a lot of blood and he’s not going to die…’ Vince trailed off, sobbing harder until Naboo had to help him sit, lowering his head between his legs so he didn’t go into a panic attack.

‘I – can’t-believe-i-almost-lost-him’ Vince sobbed, each word punctuated with a gasp

‘Shhh now. He’ll be okay’ Naboo soothed, nervously stroking Vince’s back.

* * *

 

Howard awoke with a pounding headache and a dry mouth; he opened his eyes and looked around at the white walls and starched sheets and sighed sadly. He turned his head and was startled to find Vince fast asleep on the seat beside the bed; his legs bent beneath his chin as he rested his head, blood was coating his hands and upper arms, over his face and down his neck. Howard turned his head the other way and came face to face with the dark eyes of Naboo.

‘I couldn’t make him wash’ Naboo said quietly ‘He didn’t want to leave your side for a second’

Howard turned his head and tears pooled in his eyes as he looked at his fiancé; so vulnerable and childlike.

‘Did he… find me?’ Howard croaked

Naboo nodded and watched Howard flinch,

‘I didn’t mean for that to happen’ Howard whispered, his voice full of emotion

‘Don’t worry about it. Just get better’ Naboo smiled and entwined his fingers into Howards before standing up and leaving the room.

* * *

 

Howard fell asleep again; darkness rushing at him until he was completely unaware of his surroundings. He didn’t dream, he didn’t think, he just slept.

Vince woke up and after insistence from a nurse, had a shower and cleaned himself of Howard’s blood before dressing in a borrowed pair of scrubs from the nurse who took pity on the young man and took his clothes to the laundry. Vince sat with damp hair around his face as he looked over at Howard’s peaceful face and began singing;

 

 _They hung a sign up in our town_  
"if you live it up, you won't live it down"  
So, she left Monte Rio, son  
Just like a bullet leaves a gun  
With charcoal eyes and Monroe hips  
She went and took that California trip  
Well, the moon was gold, her hair like wind  
She said don't look back just come on Jim

Howard stirred in his sleep and smiled as he recognised the song; opening his eyes he looked at Vince and joked ‘Don’t you know any happy songs?’ remembering his own quip the first time he had played the song to a younger Vince.

Vince smiled back at his lover and grabbed his hand tightly, pressing a kiss to the back of Howard’s hand as they whispered through the next verse;

 _Well, he gave her a dimestore watch_  
And a ring made from a spoon  
Everyone is looking for someone to blame  
But you share my bed, you share my name  
Well, go ahead and call the cops  
You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops  
She said baby, I still love you  
Sometimes there's nothin left to do

‘Sometimes there’s nothing left to do but hold on’ Vince whispered ‘that would make a good tattoo’

Howard nodded and licked his parched lips ‘I’m sorry Vince’

‘I don’t understand why you did it, why you felt like leaving, but I’m glad you’re still here’ Vince replied, eyes shining with tears.

‘Me too’ Howard agreed before looking at the doorway to his private room; ‘fancy a cuddle?’

Vince giggled and looked at the door before climbing onto the thin hospital bed and resting his head on Howard’s shoulder, carefully avoiding his still sore wrists and the numerous wires coming from his body.

* * *

 

‘I have to go to therapy’ Howard complained when Vince popped by at visiting time with a carrier bag full of snacks and magazines

‘Well yeh… you tried to top yourself’ Vince smiled ‘Of course you need to go’

‘God, can’t I just go home and never leave the house again?’ Howard sighed exasperatedly ‘I’ll become a hermit’

‘That’s not a good idea’ Vince chastised ‘who would buy my Bovril hula-hoops when I’m hung over?’

Howard pulled a face and settled back onto his bed; crossing his legs so Vince could sit at the end of the bed and kiss him softly.

‘Got you some magazines, proper ones too! Not like the _rubbish_ I read apparently’ Vince laughed ‘This one is all about Jazz’

‘Thank you Vince’ Howard smiled and kissed his fiancé deeply,

‘I need to go home tonight’ Vince physically cringed at the idea of going into the bathroom but Naboo had assured him that it was all cleaned ‘do you want anything special?’

‘More pyjamas please? And my slippers?’ Howard asked before smiling and adding ‘I would ask for my dressing gown but I think you’ve stolen it’

Vince nodded; unwilling to admit that he had slept in the fabric cloak for the last few nights. Smelling Howard’s body as he fell asleep made him feel closer.

‘So when do you have to go to counselling?’ Vince asked, popping a grape in his mouth and chomping loudly.

‘Tomorrow’ Howard groaned and pulled his own grape from the bunch ‘then I should be able to come home by the end of the week’

‘Can’t wait. I’ve missed you’ Vince smiled, coyly looking at his groin and then back to Howard with a lifted eyebrow,

‘You dirty sod’ Howard laughed, ‘I wish I could take you here’

‘Text me tonight yeh? We can sext’ Vince giggled and blushed as he realised that Howard didn’t understand ‘Sex text’

‘Oh’ Howard brightened ‘Oh okay’

The two men kissed goodbye and Vince walked outside the hospital feeling happier than in a long time. He hailed a cab and sat quietly as the driver chattered mindlessly about football or something, Vince wasn’t quite sure, but he thanked the cabbie when they pulled up outside the flat and tipped his generously before opening the door and walking upstairs.

Naboo had cleaned the flat completely; even bringing flowers to brighten up the kitchen table. Vince smiled and walked to check the bathroom which had been steam cleaned and looked sparklier than ever before. Vince choked back a sob and closed the door, exhaling shakily before doing his final heart breaking task of the day; he picked up the folded paper which was lying on the kitchen table with Howard’s handwriting spiking over the whiteness and began to read;

_Vince,_

_I don’t know what to say, or why I’m doing what I’m doing. I love you so much, my life would be miserable without you in it but I feel like I’m constantly bringing you down. I ruin your easy life with my complications and I don’t want that for you. You deserve a life filled with happiness, sunshine and sherbet and I’m afraid that I can’t give that to you. Please know that you mean everything to me, you’re my sun, my stars and my moon. You’re my oxygen and my water, you’re the only good thing that has ever happened to me and I can’t believe that you allowed me to spend my life with you._

_Please forgive me and don’t blame yourself. You’re amazing and deserve somebody special._

_Love you forever little man, Howard Noir-Moon_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ridiculous sexting, phone sex and returning home.

**I read your note. You’re a sentimental idiot but you’re my sentimental idiot –V**

I didn’t know you could spell the word sentimental – H

**Cheeky git, I’m not a complete ballbag you know (also, it’s on autocorrect) – V**

I’m sorry for the note and upsetting you Vince. I love you – H

**And I love you too. I love Noir-Moon too, it’s genius – V**

Alphabetical – H

**And because I’m the front man. I should be at the front –V**

I like it when you’re in front *wink smiley* - H

**Is that your attempt at text sex? Because I’m going to need more than wink smileys to make me hard – V**

I’ve never done it before. I don’t know how to start. – H

**Okay, relax first. Think sexy thoughts – V**

I’m thinking of you naked. After your bath, you’re still damp and sitting on my knee – H

**Mmmmm okay, what am I doing? – V**

Annoying me, you keep making your hair drip on my newspaper – H

**Hold on… I’m naked and wet and you’re still reading a newspaper. Bloody hell Howard – V**

Right yeah sorry, should I be naked too? – H

**Yes you’re naked too, and I’m sitting on your knee and letting my hair drip onto you but then licking a path where the water lands. Down your cheek, neck and chest – V**

I don’t know what to say to that – H

**God. Just relax and read my texts. It’s like trying to make a fridge horny – V**

I am horny. I’m rock hard in my bed. Thankful I got a private room – H

**Good! That’s good! Now imagine I’m kissing down your body, stopping at your nipples and hips to lick and suck the soft skin. Do you want me to move down to your cock? – V**

Not yet. Kiss me please – H

**Mmmmm I love kissing you, your moustache tickling me as our tongues rub against each other. Your hands in my hair as we snog – V**

I wish I was at home – H

**So do I baby, but you will be soon. Then I can bend over for you and you can do anything you want – V**

Anything? **– H**

**…within reason. What are you thinking? – V**

I want to lick and tease your arse with my tongue. I want to feel your hole flutter around my lips and fingers as I tease you – H

**Fuck Howard – V**

Only afterwards *wink smiley* - H

**There’s that bloody smiley again lol, yes you can do all of that to me. Make me beg for you Howard – V**

I’d use my tongue and my fingers to open you up, not touching your cock until you’re panting and gasping for mercy but I won’t give it. I want to drive you crazy and then thrust my cock inside you until you’re babbling – H

**Howard, I don’t know how long I can hold off. My cock is about to burst – V**

That’s what I want; I want your cock to explode untouched. I want to see you cover yourself in cum as I fuck you deep and hard into the bed – H

 

* * *

 

Howard watched as his phone lit up with Vince’s picture as it rang, he swapped hands and swiped the answer bar; listening to Vince’s heavy breathing on the other end.

‘I couldn’t not hear you. It killed me that I couldn’t hear your voice’ Vince whimpered, obviously stroking himself quickly.

‘I know love, me too’ Howard choked, wrapping his hand around his swollen and flushed cock again and pulling back the foreskin swiftly.

‘I’m so close, so fucking close Howard’ Vince groaned, his voice deep and lusty through the phone

‘Slow down, not yet. I want to hear you a little bit longer’ Howard smiled knowing that Vince would be cursing him,

Vince’s breathing slowed and Howard smiled as both men composed themselves. Howard flicked his wrist around his leaking tip and sighed happily as pleasurable sensations flooded his body, his wrists were sore but his needs were too desperate.

‘I want you to fuck me so much’ Vince whispered ‘I want you to bend me over and take me on the stairs, on the table, over the sofa. Anywhere you want’

Howard groaned and stroked the tip of his cock slowly ‘Hard or gentle?’

Vince chuckled darkly and whispered ‘hard’ before groaning as his hand wrapped around his length again,

The two men couldn’t speak any longer; their orgasms building quickly as their hands worked along their shafts, their hips thrusting into their palms as they gasped and breathed together over the phone. Howard could tell Vince was close and tightened his grip, moving to rest the phone on his shoulder as he pinched and pulled on his nipples with his other hand. His groan travelling through the phone and straight to Vince’s cock as he thrust,

‘H-Howard’ Vince cried, his back arching from the bed as he began to cum. Rope after rope of heavy white cum landing over his stomach as he groaned and whined, listening to Howard choke back his own gasp.

Howard heard Vince say his name and then he too was erupting in long, pearly ribbons. His cock jumping in his hand as he stroked himself through his orgasm and collapsed back onto the hospital bed shaking. Howard heard Vince begin giggling and he too started to laugh,

‘Why are we laughing?’ Howard asked with a smile

‘You didn’t see where my cum landed’ Vince chuckled ‘I better do some washing before you come home’

Howard tutted playfully before smiling and grabbing for his phone, holding it to his ear properly again;

‘Better get cleaned up and open a window before the nurse comes in’

‘Okay. I’ll be there tomorrow, do you need anything?’ Vince asked

‘No, only you my love’ Howard replied lovingly

‘Soppy git’ Vince laughed before adding ‘I love you Howard Noir Moon’

Howard felt his heart flutter and replied ‘I love you too Vincent Noir Moon’

‘I like the ring of it’ Vince giggled ‘Night gorgeous’

‘Goodnight love’

* * *

 

Vince had never liked hospitals; they always reminded him of death and sick people… which he guessed was the point of hospitals. He still didn’t like them though. He whistled cheerily as he wandered through the ward and signed his name in the log book before cleaning his hands and walking to Howard’s private room; the room was empty and all of Howard’s belongings had been packed away and moved. Vince’s heart beat hard in his chest and his eyes watered as he ran to the nurse’s station and began to babble about Howard and asked where he was. The nurse obviously had trouble understanding him as she looked over at another nurse who walked over and placed a hand on Vince’s shoulder;

‘Calm down, tell me what’s wrong’ she asked, her soft Irish lilt making Vince relax momentarily before he blurted ‘Where’s my Howard?’

 _‘Howard?… Howard?...Howard?’_ She chanted as she looked through the sheets of paper in front of her ‘Ah here we go, Howard Moon. He’s in the dayroom waiting for you to pick him up. He’s been discharged’

Vince almost collapsed with relief as he looked over at the doorway and watched Howard exit whilst drinking a cup of tea. The older man turned and caught Vince’s eyes before Vince was crying and throwing himself into Howards arms,

‘You scared me. I thought you had… I thought you’d gone’

Howard looked at the nurses and the other patients around him and tried desperately not to throw Vince off him due to the public display of affection but he knew Vince needed it; He helped the younger man to his feet and held him closely, kissing his damp cheeks and stroking his hair,

‘I’m sorry I scared you love, I’m here and we can go home’ Howard smiled

‘Home’ Vince choked and grabbed Howard’s hand, entwining their fingers tightly before picking up Howard’s belongings and walking to the nurse’s desk together;

‘Thank you and I’m sorry if I was a bother’ Vince blushed watching the nurses smile before nodding a goodbye to both men.

‘Be good, look after him’ the Irish nurse laughed and waved as they left.

* * *

 

The journey home from the hospital was uneventful, Howard and Vince sat quietly watching London pass by as the cabbie drove them back to the flat. Vince helped Howard out of the car and up the stairs carefully, worried that Howard might fall or hurt himself despite Howard’s constant reassurance that he was _just fine!_ Vince put the kettle on and lingered in the kitchen before Howard smiled wantonly,

‘so… How soon do you think before we can have sex?’ Howard whispered looking around the room innocently and walking into the bedroom coyly.

Vince grabbed for Howard tightly; pulling him close until their chests pressed against one another and their naked erections rutted together. Vince grinned and turned on the radio to a low drone as he grabbed for Howard’s hand and placed his other one on Vince’s hip, moving together to the soft music the two men danced in silence, the only sounds being the shuffling of their feet against the carpet. Vince rested his head on Howard’s shoulder; glad of the soft lighting in their bedroom as his eyes sparkled with unshed tears, Howard squeezed his hand tightly as they moved around in circles, Their heartbeats beating wildly in their chests as they danced,

Vince ran his hand through Howards messy hair and pulled the older man closer; his lips brushing against the moustached lips of his fiancé. Howard smiled and pursed his lips allowing Vince to place soft chaste kisses against his skin, Howard moved his hand down to cup Vince’s buttocks as they continued grinding sensually against one another. Vince gasped at the touch and opened his mouth to allow his tongue to tease along Howard’s dry lower lip before Howard followed the same motion and let his tongue flick against Vince’s. They snogged silently for a long while, enjoying the sensations and closeness between them, thankful for the time they had together.

The music changed to an instrumental song, beautifully soft piano’s and strings echoing around the room as the men moved to sit on the bed; their kissing still gentle and arousing as they changed position, lying on their sides and looking at one another blissfully.

Vince moved first; his lips moving across the stubble on Howard’s cheeks and down his throat to the pale chest covered with a fine dusting of hair. Vince kissed his way down, licking and sucking at Howard’s nipples and dipping his head to kiss along the ridges of Howard’s collarbone and shoulder, moving down the thin skin of Howard’s arms; placing soft kisses against each silvery scar on the way down,

‘V-Vince’ Howard gasped, his face red with embarrassment and shame,

‘Never be embarrassed’ Vince whispered, looking up at Howard with wide and loyal eyes ‘Every one of these brought you to me’

Howard choked back a sob and nodded, allowing Vince to continue his journey.

Vince trailed his tongue over the skin on the inside of Howard’s elbow, feeling the pulse point under his tongue he stopped and enjoyed the sensation for a moment before moving on; kissing the deeper and more plentiful scars on Howard’s forearms.

He froze when he reached Howard’s wrists. Still sore and scabbing they looked a mess; Vince’s tears began to flow freely as he softly pressed featherlight kisses against the broken skin.

‘Never again’ Vince whispered ‘please’

‘Never. I promise’ Howard replied, pulling Vince back up the bed and back to his lips ‘I promise I’ll never do it again’

Vince nodded and kissed Howard deeply, their tongues mingling immediately as they passionately built their arousal. Vince cupped Howard’s face tightly with his hands, thumbs stroking over the older man’s cheekbones ‘I love you’

Howard smiled and whispered ‘I love you too’ before turning their positions so Vince was lying back on the bed. His legs spread wide enough for Howard to fit inside;

‘Can i?’ Howard asked, thankful when Vince nodded excitedly,

Howard grabbed the small bottle of lube from the nightstand and began to lube up his fingers; softly pressing one inside he listened to Vince gasp and arch his back at the exquisite sensations flooding his body. Vince was soon wiggling for more which Howard gladly gave him, sliding out one finger and adding another; stroking his digits against the small bundle of nerves on the inside of his lover as his other hand rhythmically stroked the hard and twitching cock which rested against Vince’s lower stomach.

‘Please’ Vince begged, desperation making his voice needy.

Howard added a third finger, stretching and scissoring his digits until Vince was loose and open around him. Howard pulled his hand away from Vince’s cock and used it to awkwardly slick himself up before pulling his fingers from Vince’s insides and placing his cock at the waiting entrance.

Pressing softly inside, he inched his way down the tight passageway until he was fully surrounded by Vince’s heat and tightness. Rocking his hips slightly he created tiny thrusts until Vince was crying out for more, his hands wrapping around Howard’s neck and shoulder for the older man to kiss him passionately as they coupled. Vince whimpered as Howard’s cock pressed against his prostate, stroking it again and again with each movement; the lust, arousal and need building from his spine. Howard rested his forehead against Vince’s as he picked up his thrusting, harder and faster, chasing his release.

‘I love you, I love you’ Howard chanted, his breath ghosting over Vince’s lips,

‘God Howard, yes, I love you’ Vince replied, his eyes closed and his lips open as he arched up one further time and began to unload his cum over his stomach pulling Howard down for a deep kiss which set Howard into his own release, Howard groaned deeply and spent himself deep inside Vince before the two men smiled at one another happily, grinning as Howard stroked his cheekbone.

The two men fell back onto the bed; their limbs awkwardly wrapped around one another as they panted and caught their breaths. The sounds of soft kisses mingling with the traffic outside creating a sensual bubble of love around the pair as they snuggled against one another,

‘Howard?’ Vince whispered softly, his features lit by only the bright moonlight,

‘Hmmm?’ Howard replied sleepily, his eyes opening to focus on Vince.

‘Do you think we’re soul mates?’

Howard breathed in and sat up slightly, clicking on the bedside lamp before looking down at the blinking Vince still lying on his back looking up.

‘Vince?’ Howard whispered ‘everything ok?’

‘I was just thinking’ Vince replied thoughtfully ‘we can’t live without one another, we’ve been through so much shit together and still love each other. Do you think we’re soul mates?’

Howard smiled and placed a gentle kiss on Vince’s forehead remembering a passage from a book he had read a long, long time ago. During his traumatic teenage years he often hid out in the libraries and reading books, he had found the old philosophers enchanting and read Plato’s work; the passage suddenly returning to him

_...and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment,_

 

Howard had always scoffed at the idea of love, hope and soulmates but deep down he had craved it. Then he had met Vince and realised that love was real and true; lying in bed with his lover curled against him suddenly shocked him with the realisation that he was happy. _More than that, he is loved and adored by the most perfect man in the world._

Howard grabbed Vince’s head and pressed a long and lingering kiss on the younger man’s lips; feeling Vince gripping his neck tightly as they kissed,

‘You really are everything to me’ Howard whispered ‘I loved you when I met you, I love you now and I’m certain that I’ll love you when we’re old and wrinkly. I’ll be using my zimmerframe to get your tea and you’ll be educating our grandkids on the genius of Jagger’. Vince smiled as tears filled his eyes and he entwined his fingers into Howards own ‘and then when we die. We’ll be buried together in the same coffin so that we can still be together’

‘A simple yes would have done you plum’ Vince smiled, choking back a sob as he kissed Howard softly.

Howard laid silently for a moment, his mind whirring with anxious thoughts before making his mind up and facing Vince again;

‘Tomorrow, you need to pack a case. We’re going to Yorkshire’


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy, Fluffy ending.

The train ride to Leeds was horrific for Vince who became immediately disillusioned with the thought of spending four hours inside a metal tube driving slowly surrounded by nothing but green fields. He shuffled around in his seat and constantly tried to distract Howard from his book. Howard had pretended to read since the last station to try to calm his nervous stomach, feeling bile and anxiety rising as they got closer to his home town. Vince steadied him by talking nonsense; telling him stories which he had heard countless times but embellishing them with even more fantastical information.

Howard had smiled and answered Vince but he was edgy and frustrated; his stomach flipping and clenching with each mile closer to their stop. As the train pulled into Leeds train station, Howard felt like he was going to faint and vomit but Vince had taken his hand and squeezed it softly, nuzzling his nose into the space under Howards jaw until the older man had relaxed enough to leave the station on foot.

They walked for a while in silence; Vince surprised that Yorkshire had access to coffee shops ( _Howard had told him in advance but he hadn’t believed it)_ and argued that he had understood that the only shops Yorkshire had were ones where they sold pies or tweed which caused Howard to giggle and nudge the smaller man in the ribs playfully.

Howard breathed deeply and entwined his fingers into Vince’s; Vince froze and looked at Howard curiously. They hadn’t held hands in public since before his mistake with the girl in the band, Howard’s no touching rule had ensured that all public displays of affection had been banned but now, Vince blushed and squeezed his fingers around Howards with a smile.

‘You sure?’ Vince asked softly ‘you don’t have to’

Howard squared his shoulders and looked down at his beautiful fiancé ‘I’m not ashamed. I love you and I don’t care what people think anymore’

Vince blushed again and nodded; kicking at a stone with the toe of his sparkly boot ‘I love you too’

They entered a local hotel and paid for their stay before taking their keys and walking up to their room; opening the door Howard was impressed with the standards of the moderately priced room. A large bed dominated the room and all amenities had been provided which Howard was glad about, he couldn’t imagine not having his cups of tea.

Vince dropped their bags on the floor and grabbed Howard for a deep and passionate kiss; their lips meeting whilst their tongues swept against one another. Howard returned the kiss but pulled away as Vince cupped his hardening cock through his cords, shaking his head that he didn’t want that yet.

‘We need to go out first’

Vince nodded and checked his reflection in the mirror before allowing Howard to take his hand and pull him back into the corridor, down the lift and back into the cold Yorkshire air. The men walked side by side, their fingers entwined as they talked and looked into shop windows on their way to the destination which Vince still wasn’t aware of. He followed eagerly and only stopped at the entrance to the large and ornate black gate which swirled dramatically in front of them.

‘The cemetery?’ Vince asked nervously, his teeth worrying his bottom lip ‘are you sure?’

‘He’s dead. She sent me a letter to tell me and invited me to the funeral but I didn’t want to go. You don’t have to come if you don’t want too’ Howard cringed mentally, fearing that he should have explained to Vince before he brought him all the way out here.

‘No. You go, I go’ Vince smiled pressing a kiss to Howard’s cold hand wrapped around his own ‘let’s go’

* * *

 

Howard found the grave easily, he was well acquainted with the layout due to the long hours he spent talking to his Grandfathers headstone after his death. Howard looked at the marble slab which had been inscribed with his father’s information and shuddered; the earth had begun to settle on the grave and the flowers which had been placed at the time of the funeral had begun to brown and die, forgotten and abandoned to perish on the cold floor. Vince stood anxiously a few paces behind Howard, watching carefully for signs of distress or anger but finding the older man strangely relaxed and composed as he stared down at the headstone.

‘I’m not sorry’ Howard said softly to the cold ground ‘I’m not sorry that you died’

Vince shifted awkwardly and looked away from his lover; tears flooding his eyes as he listened to Howard break his silence.

‘I don’t know what it says about me or the person I’ve become… but I’m glad you’re dead and I’m glad that you died in pain and scared. I hope that in your last moments you thought of me and the way you treated me and my mother, I hope you regretted every shitty decision you ever made and I hope that you can hear me. I desperately want you to know that I’m happy. The things that happened in my childhood were horrific but they brought me closer to the person who I love and who I want to spend my life with. Vince has been the one person I have always been able to rely on and I intend on marrying him and living with him until we grow old and die’

Vince looked up and realised that Howard was no longer talking to the grave but talking to him, teary brown eyes met his own blue ones and they smiled at one another sweetly as Vince walked closer and held his hand out for Howards. Howard took it and pressed a kiss to the soft skin of his palm before entwining their fingers together and looking down at the mound of patchy brown earth,

‘Bye dad’

Howard turned and looked at Vince before nodding and beginning his journey back to the path and out into the main high street.

* * *

 

‘Howard. Look at this!’ Vince shouted excitedly from the window of a jewellers shop,

Howard walked over and pressed a hand to his lower back and looked over his shoulder at the shiny trinkets which adorned the shop window. His eyes focussed on a simple band of silver ‘You didn’t get a ring and I like this one!’

‘I have a ring, had it since my 18th birthday and was planning on changing fingers. I want it as my wedding ring’ Howard smiled

‘Can we go back to the hotel now? I think I need a sleepy’ Vince yawned ‘I hate trains’

Howard huffed out a laugh and took Vince’s hand in his own walking them towards the hotel once more. The pair snuggled under the duvet for long and sweet cuddles before falling asleep for an afternoon nap.

When they awoke it was dark outside, Howard checked his watch and saw they had slept for over 3 hours and nudged Vince awake,

‘I have an idea’ Howard whispered biting his lip nervously,

‘huh?’ Vince blinked ‘Wha’ idea?’

‘Let’s get married, tonight’ Howard smiled

‘We can’t just turn up at 8pm on a Wednesday and insist we want to get married’ Vince scoffed ‘plus, men can’t marry other men’

‘Doesn’t have to be official, just between us’ Howard gestured grabbing his wallet ‘Come with me’

Vince rolled his eyes and sighed as though it was the hardest order in the world but quickly dressed and followed Howard out into the cold Yorkshire air, becoming slightly concerned when Howard forced him to stand outside the corner shop whilst Howard bought _supplies_ before they were off again into the dark woods.

‘A-are you sure about this?’ Vince asked nervously, following Howard over a broken fence.

‘Yeh… yeh’ Howard said mindlessly looking around at his surroundings ‘It should still be here… oh! Here’

Howard walked towards the dark outline against the bright moon, Vince bit his lip and followed close by as Howard ordered him to stand still for a second and wait. Howard jumped a barrier like a boy half his age and disappeared around the back of the building, Vince waited what seemed like hours but could only have been minutes before Howard returned, opening the main door into the abandoned building.

It was a church, obviously forgotten and dilapidated, the lead had been stolen from the roof and some of its stained glass windows had been smashed but inside it was still beautiful. The pews stood with only a layer of grime and leaves from the open windows, the bibles had been ripped up and strewn around the place but it only added to the forgotten charm of the place,

‘How did you-?’ Vince asked in shock, his eyes wide

‘Used to play here as a kid’ Howard shrugged ‘Me and Harry found a secret passage to get in’

Vince looked around at the darkness illuminated by only a handful of candles which burnt at the area where the altar should have been, Howard had obviously bought the candles and matches knowing that the church would be in darkness.

‘I can’t offer you the bridal march’ Howard blushed, ‘but I have [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhwwCWkmYoc)’

Howard opened his mobile phone and pressed play, smiling as the sound of the Rolling Stones ‘Wild Horses’ began to play around the empty building. Vince smiled and closed his eyes as his cheeks began to ache from his huge grin,

Howard held Vince’s hand and took him down to the makeshift altar, their frame’s illuminated by the candle’s giving them longer shadows as they looked at one another,

‘I, Howard TJ Moon take you Vince Noir as my husband. To have and to hold’ Howard sniffed slightly and realised he didn’t know the other words ‘because I love you, and I will always love you, and I always have loved you. From this day until my last’

Vince swept the tear from his own eye as he looked at Howard ‘I, Vincent Noir take you Howard TJ Moon _man of action’_ he grinned ‘as my husband because I love you and you make me complete’

The sounds of Jagger’s voice echoed around the church as the two grooms kissed lovingly, Howard wrapped his hand around Vince’s waist and pulled him closer, letting Vince put his arms around Howard’s neck and be led into a slow and sweet dance in the candlelight.

 


End file.
